Defiant to the End
by LoveFangs91
Summary: I was always strong willed and stubborn, probably to a fault. My will was tested, almost to the end, but I couldn't let it break me. I had to get back to being me, if that was even possible. AU.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I don't own, the Southern Vampire Mysteries belong to Charlaine Harris**

"No! Sookie please don't do this!" He cried as I sat on his stomach, staring down into his cold, dead eyes. I felt strangely calm as I grabbed the stake tightly in my hands, unfeeling almost. His arms were trapped under my shins at his wrist, unable to get leverage to move them even if I hadn't already crushed most of the bones in his hands.

_No! Oh god no! Please! I can't die! I can't die! _ The same mantra kept running through his head like a broken record on repeat, and it brought a sick flicker of a smile to my lips; almost a snarl as I showed off my teeth.

I stared straight into his lifeless brown eyes; even now I didn't see emotion in them. It was just like looking into a puddle of mud. Slowly, I moved my hands to push the tip of the sharpened wood exactly over his heart before I paused to take a deep breath. I wanted to savour the moment I got the revenge for everything he had dealt me over the past couple of years.

"Goodbye Bill," I said quietly and pushed the stake into his chest with as much force as I could muster. His eyes widened startlingly while a low, strangled scream erupted from his lips. The stake finally passed through his body until it hit the wooden floor below him. I heard every little passage; the snap of his ribs cracking to allow the wood to pass and the grinding as fragments were sheared off his sternum. Blood sprang forth from the wound quickly, spreading out between my fingers and covering my lap within a couple of seconds. I still couldn't move though; I was transfixed with watching him die.

He began to disintegrate then; first his extremities melted down into a gooey, bloody residue. My legs connected with the floor and then I felt the few muscles he'd actually possessed turning soft underneath me as his organs turned to liquid and bone began to liquefy. As his features merged into one, surprisingly he was still conscious, his brain surviving enough to feel pain. Huh, apparently it took the final death for his eyes to show anything. It wasn't long, maybe only a second more, before they too were gone and I felt my smile grow bigger with satisfaction. I would never have to look into them ever again. He wouldn't even have the satisfaction of haunting my dreams. The cry died on his lips as his throat collapsed in on itself, as more blood pooled out from everywhere. Every orifice and every pore leaked blood at a rate that made it unbelievable to think that such a small man could hold so very much blood. Finally, he died. I felt it, in my head, the lack of anything going on in his skull. He was gone, leaving me sitting in a puddle of his remnants on the floor.

"Good riddance," I muttered as I stood up, still clutching the stake in my hands. "Guess I won't be needing that," I added as I flung it to the ground. I felt freer than I had in a long time, as though a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Glancing down at myself I found that I was completely covered in blood; it had soaked into my jeans so that they clung nastily to my legs, my arms were caked and my shirt was splattered. I walked confidently from the room, shutting the door behind me.

I took a deep breath, savouring the taste of the air from a world without Bill in it and, by golly, it was good. Anyone who had seen me would say that I had a spring in my step, but I wouldn't go quite that far. Going outside I went straight to the tap there with its little hose attachment to dose my hands with the cold water. I watched, transfixed as the water ran first a deep crimson before turning pink and finally running clear. Next I stripped off my clothing; not caring if anyone saw me, since the house was nestled in a little private woods, it was really unlikely that anyone would stumble across me. Then I turned the hose on my legs and chest, to get rid of every little remnant of him.

"Better," I mumbled quietly and turned the water off after throwing my clothes through an open window. Clambering down, I grabbed a bag that I kept in my personal escape room, the one that used to be the coal storage unit under the house, but hadn't been used for such purposes in years. The only issue with it was that I'd had to keep my bag wrapped up in an extra plastic bag to protect it from the soot. I didn't care though, it just meant I had to toss that into the house too before I could get a change of clothes out.

Once I was fully dressed I grabbed the most important items out; a small can of gasoline and a match, or two. It didn't take me very long to walk around the perimeter, spilling the gas as I went. The inside had been well and truly dosed just before Bill got home. I didn't bother with another goodbye; he didn't deserve it and God knows I really didn't care about the house enough to save any of it. I already had all of my possessions that I wanted inside my bag.

_Pfft, _the match struck alight in one go and I simply tossed it on the front porch at the end nearest to where the remains laid. It took only a minute or two for the entire thing to be engulfed. I didn't even bother to stay and watch the flames light up the night sky. Instead, I grabbed my bag and walked towards the woods. It would be a good while before anyone would realise there were flames flickering above the trees; everyone within a mile radius was already asleep and I'm sure everyone else was. There would be nothing left at all by the time the emergency crews got here, at least there would be nothing of any significance left.

I paused as I got to the tree line, backpack secured and even fastened around my waist. The bitter scent of the smoke hit my nostrils and I took a deep breath, just to let it stay with me for awhile, a good reminder of everything that I was leaving behind. I don't think I'd ever smiled as widely as I disappeared into the night.

**So here it is, the prologue to one of my new stories :) What do you think? This one has been a hell of a long time in the making, in fact, I think I even sent it to a previous beta before I had my major hiatus. It's been tweeked and I've continued writing it too. **

**Updates won't be on any schedule as my schedule is changing weekly so I'm just doing what I can, when I can. I've had lots of exciting things happen in the break, including getting a trip abroad at Easter, solo surgeries and applying for more charity work.**

**I just want to say a massive thank-you to my wonderful beta, whodat2010!**


	2. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own, the Southern Vampire Mysteries belong to Charlaine Harris**

"Good evening, you've reached Fangtasia, where we're no bark and all bite," drawled a very familiar voice. Despite myself, I grinned at hearing it. It had been too long. So long in fact that the bar that never really seemed to change, had changed their tag line. Even after all these years they still seemed to draw an impressive crowd. How long had it really been? Five years, I answered myself, without even having to think about it at all. That's how much thoughts of two of my three favourite vampires and Fangtasia had been playing on my mind.

"Hi, is it possible to speak with Eric Northman please?" I purposefully didn't say my name, even though I desperately wanted to chat like long lost friends with this particular vampire. I had really missed Pam.

"Sookie?" Her voice held as much shock as it possibly could. Pam wasn't one for showing much emotion. She usually came across as bored, sarcastic or smug.

"Yes," I answered honestly. This was why I hadn't said my name; I didn't want to get into this over the phone with her. I wanted to tell her everything that had happened, but if I told her, she would tell Eric. Pam was quite the gossip actually, especially with her maker, and Eric deserved to know first. Or perhaps it was just me wanting to tell him first. Well, I would tell him as much as I could anyway.

"Sookie!" She exclaimed loudly and I shuddered at the noise, pulling the phone away from my sensitive ears. If she had been a human, her single exclamation would have been followed by a screech and jumping up and down, clapping her hands furiously as she did so. I felt a small smile flicker across my lips, hoping that she had missed me too.

"Can I speak to Eric?" Calling him at Fangtasia was my only hope of getting in touch with Eric. The cell phone number I had for him didn't work anymore, and I knew better than to even bother trying the landline numbers I had for his houses. They used to change at least every year, the houses that is, so after several years there was no chance.

"He's out on the floor but I'll go ask him." Thankfully she didn't put me on hold; I don't think I would have been able to take that awful music. I could hear the people in the back-ground, filling the bar with their laughter and chattering. The music was pumping loudly over the stereo system, still vampire themed songs, although I recognised that this too had been updated.

"What is it Pam?" I heard his voice for the first time in years, when I'd made what could quite possibly have been the worst decision of my life. His voice hadn't changed one bit, not that it would. It was still deliciously so deep that every syllable could be changed into a suggestive whisper in an instant. I'd missed his voice. I could imagine him sitting on his large throne of a chair, watching all the patrons of his bar, both vampire and human, with the command that can only be obtained from being alive for millennia. He would be dressed in black from head to foot; ankle boots or shoes, jeans that were snug in all the right places and most probably a tank top that would show off all of his mighty fine muscles. Oh how I'd missed his handsome face.

"It's Sookie." Pam drawled, not bothering to cover the mouth piece of the phone so that I could hear their conversation. He didn't say anything at all in response for the longest time and I could almost see the far off look in his eyes that he used to get whenever he was thinking hard. I missed that look, and him.

"Är du säker?" (_Are you sure). _He was speaking his native Swedish although I couldn't tell what he was actually saying. I knew enough to be able to recognise it and say hello. He'd either noticed that Pam hadn't covered up the phone or that their conversation wasn't private due to the people crowding around them. The crowds at Fangtasia never could resist any of the vampires, and gossip relating to vampires was even better.

" ja, så låter hon exakt samma. Det är din Sookie," (_yes, she sounds exactly the same. It's your Sookie.)_ replied Pam, speaking the language fluently. I had to wonder, despite everything else running through my mind, whether they could speak Swedish enough to get by in the present day since it wasn't a new strain they were speaking. While I waited, I began to worry at my bottom lip, pulling it painfully between my teeth but needing the pain to keep me grounded.

" Jag har väntat på detta under de senaste åren. Saker verkligen händer när du slutar väntar." He paused, thinking again and I wished, well almost, that I could tell what was going on in that gorgeous head of his. "Give me the fucking the phone." Shit, he was mad. This wasn't going to go well. It was to be expected though and I couldn't exactly blame him.

I heard the slight fumbling as the phone was passed from hand to hand and then there was a second of blurred sounds, as he ran from the main bar where the crowd made up the back ground noise, to his quiet office.

"Sookie?" My name was almost a whisper on his lips and I hoped that it was relief in his voice. I didn't dare to hope for anything more, relief was even more than I deserved anyway. He couldn't have missed me.

"Hi," I replied back quietly, biting down on my lip hard enough to draw blood.

"Fuck," he whispered quietly, and I had a feeling I wasn't supposed to have heard that at all. Tears welled up into my eyes, threatening to spill at any moment at just the sound of his voice. "Where are you?" I'd had every intention of lying to him; I'd prepared an answer to this question as I wasn't supposed to be anywhere near Bon Temps or Shreveport, even Louisiana was risking everything.

"About half an hour south of Shreveport on the interstate," I replied. I hadn't told him my exact whereabouts; I'd remained vague enough to be safe if anyone was listening in to this conversation. "I have something to ask you."

"Ask." He wasn't reacting at all like I'd expected, and I could only assume it was because I'd surprised him for the first time in what was likely to be years. You couldn't easily surprise vampires that had been around for as long as him. I was grateful for him even letting me speak; it wouldn't have done him any detriment to simply ignore my phone call.

"Can I come to Fangtasia? I need to see you." It seemed like I was going for as much honesty as I could give him over the phone, which wasn't at all what I'd told myself I was going to do when I'd gone over this phone call in my mind.

"Fine. You have some explaining to do." Oh, he didn't know the half of it. If I got there within the hour we would be talking until dawn easily and that was even if we didn't get into some form of argument, or worse a fight. He had no idea about all that had changed while I'd been gone from his life.

"Yes I do. I will do my best to tell you everything." I purposefully kept the promise I wanted to give him from slipping forth, knowing that it wouldn't be something I could actually keep. Not yet.

"Do you remember how to get to Fangtasia?" His voice changed as he asked that question, going to something I couldn't read and I knew he was hiding something. This question didn't seem to be the one that he'd actually wanted to ask.

"Yes, I wouldn't forget that. I will be there as soon as possible. Thank-you." I added as well, remembering my manners.

"Do not thank me yet, Sookie." His words held a cold edge to them and I felt them cutting deep into my chest. I couldn't believe how badly I'd screwed everything up, and a single tear sprang forth from my right eye. I quickly wiped it away with a tissue before it had a chance to stain. I could tell he was pulling the phone away from his ear to hang up.

"Wait, Eric!" I called out loudly. Apparently I'd spoken louder than I'd intended as several humans filling up their cars with gas turned to look at me. Ignoring them I continued with what I really needed my vampire, yes even after all this time that's what I still referred to him as, to know. I wasn't entirely sure that he'd put the phone back to his ear but he hadn't hung up. "I miss you." More tears escaped my eyes and I wiped them away furiously before anyone could see. I hung up quickly then, not giving Eric any chance to respond. I seriously doubted he would say it back to me and I didn't want to listen to him not saying it. That would cut me even deeper. At least now he knew, and with the emotions I was feeling, they would be evident in my voice so he would know it was true as well.

I stepped away from the wall I'd been leaning up against to make my call. I'd felt desperately like I needed the support to get through it. Now, I was both petrified and overly anxious to see him. Just from the brief talk with him I knew that everything that I'd once felt for him hadn't been dampened by what had changed in my life. I was petrified because he hadn't reacted how I'd expected, which had either been with a cold indifference or flying off the wall in a rage.

The humans around me gave me strange looks as I walked slowly back to my car, a standard F150 that I had bought because it would both blend in and would be reliable for me. So far it had done exactly what I'd wanted of it and provided me with a comfortable ride. It just had to get me through the next half an hour. I'd already paid for the gas that I'd put in it so I chucked my cell phone back into my purse and clambered back into the cab. The engine roared to life, giving me another noise to concentrate on rather than the inane minds of the people milling around the garage. When I checked the rear view mirror to see my reflection I found my eyes red-rimmed and my face even paler than I'd expected. There was nothing I could do about my pallor, and as for my eyes, well, I would just have to wipe away anymore forming tears before they could spill.

As I sped down the highway, letting myself drive on auto pilot as I began to cruise along familiar roads, I sipped at my drink that I'd purchased at the rest stop. I wasn't particularly hungry, I'd had a good meal before I'd left my motel room. It was more to give me something to do apart from stare ahead at the road. The radio blared out old country songs. If I had been in a better mood I would have sung along , loudly, to help speed the journey. But,there was no way of making this drive go by any faster. I didn't bother to look at the speed dial on the dashboard, not wanting to know how dangerously quick I was going. It did however, unnerve me when a scarce twenty minutes later I flicked my indicator on and pulled off the highway. It should have taken me a lot longer than that to get to this point. I had to do this, even if my motives were quite selfish in origin.

I took a deep breath before I walked through the doors to Fangtasia. It was late enough in the night that there wasn't a queue waiting outside and the vampire acting as bouncer for the night just waved me in without bothering to ask for ID. The crowd inside the bar was exactly how I had remembered it. A gyrating mass of people were dancing and there was a crush of bodies around the bar all desperately wanting another drink. Groups of people were standing or sitting around tables and yet even more people just hovered in what little space was available. Vampires were spotted at regular intervals amongst the human patrons. Some entertained a small group, a couple of others were dancing and then there was the bar tender of course.

"Huh," I mumbled to myself. "They've changed him again." I'd never been exactly healthy for the bartenders at Fangtasia so it would be interesting, when I actually had time to ask such a mundane question, how many bartenders they'd gotten through in my absence. I ignored all the people that paid me any attention, keeping my head up without looking into anyone's eyes.

Already I knew where they were. I could just tell that the two blank spots over in the far corner, near to where the staff room door was, next to the throne were Pam and Eric. My step never faltered as I walked toward them, biting down on my bottom lip to anchor myself down. Another two steps and the crowd parted enough for me to see them. They were beautiful. Their faces turned toward me, sensing me within the crowd. As soon as their eyes landed on me, anger flared across both of their features.

Eric was lounging on his throne; long legs stretched out in front of him, hands resting on the arm rests so that he could slouch back against the tall, velvet covered seat back. As always he was wearing black from head to foot; biker boots, jeans that I knew would be deliciously snug over his glorious butt, and a button down shirt that had the top three buttons open. His hair was hanging around his shoulders loosely, yet smooth and silky. I desperately wanted to run my hands through it. The strobe lights from the dance floor caught the shine on it every couple of seconds making it seem even lighter than it already was. It was the expression on his face that almost stopped me in my tracks. His handsome features were all set in stone; eyebrows drawn low over clouded eyes and his kissable lips in a hard, thin line.

Eric stood up wordlessly, his eyes breaking from my gaze almost instantly as he stepped down from the square pedestal that the throne was placed on. If he was human I would have said he stormed from the room. As it was, he strode through the crowd silently, easily separating the people by his mere presence. Pam moved forward just as I was about to turn around to follow him towards his office. Surprising me, as vampires weren't usually one for skin on skin contact if it was at all avoidable; she placed her cool hand on my shoulder to still my intention. I still stared after Eric; he was currently jerkily punching in the code to the staff door on the little keypad. Normally his motions were smooth and graceful; if his face wasn't giving anything away, his body was telling an entirely different story.

As Pam's hand trailed down from my shoulder to rest on my forearm I finally tore my gaze away from my vampire and took in my friend. She was as gorgeous as ever; blond hair piled up elegantly on top of her hair, bright blue eyes standing out wonderfully with the dark, heavy makeup she wore. No amount of makeup would hide the fact that she was beautiful, even if the makeup wasn't exactly flattering with its very gothic nature. Her clothing wasn't as overtly gothic or punk as it used to be. Instead it was a simple pair of black jeans teamed with stiletto boots, and a flowing, sheer top that just highlighted her figure. My gaze sought out her eyes, trying to figure out what was going on inside her head. As soon as the thought crossed my mind I internally chastised myself.

"When?" She asked me quietly, just loud enough for me to hear above the roar of the crowd. I couldn't answer her, because to answer that question would mean explaining everything, and I had no intention of doing that in the crowded bar. The first person I wanted to explain things to, as much as I could, was still Eric. "Why didn't you tell him?" She asked softly, leaning in towards me as though she would be able to pick the answer from my eyes if only she could get close enough. "You know he's wanted this for years." I felt the tears welling up in my eyes again; I couldn't cry here.

After another second I opened my mouth to tell her that I'd wanted to tell him, which was the God's honest truth. I hadn't told him because I felt I had betrayed him, and I just could never find the words. But, just like all those other times I'd tried, my mouth just moved soundlessly.

Pam stared at me for another second before the hint of a smile crossed her bright red lips while she patted my shoulder somewhat awkwardly, obviously not used to the motion. "Now, you better go after him." Her voice held the drawl that I'd become so used to. "I would _love_ to watch whatever is about to go down between you two, but I know you'll need your privacy." With that she flashed me a smirking grin and swaggered off toward the bar where she greeted the bar tender with a slap around the head for saying something I didn't hear.

Taking in a deep breath to settle my ever growing nerves, I strode out across the dance floor, revelling slightly in the fact the crowd were actually parting for me for once. I didn't think twice about plugging in the code. I simply tapped in the four digits that Eric had jabbed at to let myself in. The layout hadn't changed and even if it had, I would still be able to sense Eric's mind down in the last room in his office, pacing up and down the length of the room repeatedly.

I knew the exact moment that he realised I was walking down the corridor towards him. He stopped about one pace from the turn he would make to simply stand, probably listening. There was no turning back now so I strode purposefully down what remained of the dimly lit corridor and turned into his office, not bothering to knock on the closed door since it was evident he already knew I was there.

The image of him standing there, waiting for me, was heart breaking and I had to furiously fight to hold back my tears. I'd wrecked everything, even worse than what I'd feared for so long. He ran his hands through his hair, sending the silky locks into disarray so that they fell haphazardly around his never changing face. For the longest time he just stood there, not bothering to turn around but listening to all of his other senses intently. The room was perfectly still and silent as I waited for him to make some form of movement, letting me know whether I should bother staying or not. His frustration could be seen in the tightness of his muscles, the anger in the way he was visibly vibrating and there was something else, an emotion I couldn't name, that I hadn't seen on him ever before. If I hadn't been staring at him I would have missed the small motion he made with his right hand. It actually took me a couple of seconds of thinking to work out what he meant; deep in the dark recesses of my mind I remembered having seen it a couple of times before when he'd been talking to Pam. So, I shut the door softly behind me and when I turned back around he was facing me, closer than I'd anticipated.

"I can explain..." I started out, letting my voice trail off slightly at the end. It didn't matter though as his deep voice was ready to cut in anyway.

"No, you cannot." His voice was soft, quieter than I'd imagined. He was looking into my eyes as he spoke and again that unknown emotion was floating to the surface in his deep blue orbs.

"You're right, I can't. I don't have a good excuse." I replied back, hoping that honesty would buy me enough time to think about how I could proceed.

He turned away from me then to start his pacing once again. His footfalls made no sound on the wooden floor. I watched his every move with interest, committing everything to my impeccable memory just in case. His next moved shocked me almost to complete stillness. He strode toward me instead of taking his next turn and crashed his lips to mine in a ferocious kiss. My eyes closed instantly. One of his hands trailed up my neck to hold me in place, as though I would even think about pulling away, by wrapping his fingers in my hair that was hanging loosely around my shoulders in soft waves. His other hand went to the small of my back, pulling me into his tall body even tighter. I let myself melt into him, wrapping my arms snugly around his neck as I went up onto my tip toes so that I could actually reach him.

After only a few seconds he stopped moving yet he remained there, holding me tightly against his chest and his lips still melded with mine. Tentatively I felt him take in a deep breath through his nose, letting my scent wash over him and he sighed it out, breaking the kiss. He'd had some blood recently, real human blood and I just didn't care. Then he pulled back ever so slowly so that we weren't crushed together, his arms relaxed a fraction so he wasn't tugging harshly on my hair and he began to kiss me again. I didn't need any convincing. His lips were soft, confident, as though kissing me was the most natural of things. His tongue ran along my bottom lip, savouring. His teeth, fangs run down, nibbled on my lip and I let a groan.

It was my groan that did it, pulled him back down to reality. His caressing lips eased their delicious motions until he had stopped. With one final kiss that made my lips tingle with sensation, he stood back, eyes back to blazing. Throughout our connection I'd felt the energy thrumming through his muscles, and it was as though that kiss had been a channel for everything he felt. He'd never really been one for emotions, so being overwhelmed with them now must have been, well, overwhelming. He'd once told me I made him feel human, and a few days afterwards he'd confided to me that he liked it. It made him recall good memories of his human times to him; the simple joy of playing by the North sea as a child or the joy of his first adventure as a had also told me that one of the things about me that he liked the best was my ability to surprise him. That was something that had rarely happened to him in all his many years.

I continued to watch him, probably only for a few seconds, waiting for what he was going to do next. My lips still tingled as though they were plump, swollen from his force that I had greatly enjoyed. It was almost as though he was still there with a feather light kiss just for me. He ran his hand through his hair again, pushing it back from his face. Then in a split second everything about him changed. He let out another giant puff of air that he hadn't needed to take and he let the anger slide, transforming it into something else for the time being. I recognised that look in his eyes although I'd never seen it there before, making the brilliant blue orbs darker. He was resigned, betrayed, hurt and I had put it all in there.

"When did this happen?" It was a simple question and the answer could be as simple as I wanted it to be. He wanted the truth. His soft, deep tone told me he didn't just want it, he needed it. So, I took my own deep breath and prepared to spill as much as I could.

"Three years, seven months and twelve days ago." I replied giving him the exact figures; I'd definitely been counting.

"Fuck, Sookie. Why would you do this? You once told me that this would be the last thing you ever wanted. You loved who you were." He ran his hands through his hair once more in exasperation as he began pacing the length of his office again.

"I am still me," I replied before the images flashed through my mind of everything that I'd been forced to do. "More or less," I amended with a small shrug of my shoulders.

"I know I am going to hate the answer to this question. However, I still need to know definitively." I didn't need to hear his question; he was going to ask me who had been responsible, and I was going to have to tell him exactly what he didn't want to hear. At least I had some good news for him later. "Who?" He paused again in his pacing so he could see my response. I wasn't much of an emotion shower anymore; I'd been forced to develop my mask rather quickly. For him, I let the mask crumble so that he could see all the emotions just saying the name would conjure for me.

"Bill Compton." I wasn't prepared for his response however. He picked up the closest thing, which happened to be a bottle of scotch, and threw it with his vampire speed at the wall just a few feet to my right. The glass shattered on impact, spraying tiny slithers and shards for several feet. One of the painful little scraps flew across my cheek, slicing open the skin with enough pain to make me gasp slightly. He didn't apologise. I didn't expect him to.

"Fuck, I knew I was not going to like that. I still do not understand how you could do this! You always said you wanted to cling to your humanity, that you would never make a good vampire!" His voice had turned into barely more than a growl by the end of his little speech.

"I didn't really have much choice in this. None at all. It depends on how you look at it."

"So where the HELL have you been hiding for all these years? No one has reported you in their Area."

"We moved around a lot at first, moving along so quickly that we didn't bother checking in with any Sheriffs. Bill didn't feel the need. Then we started staying in one place for longer, but it was always in the middle of nowhere, with no vampires around for us to report to unless we went to the nearest town or city. If there's one thing that never changed, it was that he never stopped fearing you. Especially after, he was terrified." A humourless chuckle, a shadow of the ones that I was used to hearing, escaped his lips. "It turns out he was very good at hiding."

"The telepathy, do you still possess the gift?" I was actually surprised that it had taken him this long to ask me that question. With any other vampire it would have been, followed very quickly with whether I could read vampire minds. Eric always had been different.

"Yes, it's stronger than ever but I have impeccable control now. I can clamp my shields and block nearly everything out," I replied with a very genuine smile on my face. It was one of the rather few advantages I'd gained; complete control, or as close to it as I imagined I would ever get, over my telepathy. People in a crowded room didn't bother me anymore and I could touch people, if I so desired, without having their thoughts come tumbling out in my mind. Of course, there was one exception.

"What about vampire minds?" I clamped my stony face into place somewhat, enough to control any different expression that I would make.

"I can't read vampires." It was true, for the most part. This was the part of my story I couldn't tell him. He nodded along but the glint in his eyes told me that he was onto knew there was something lurking deep below the surface. He didn't press me any further though which made me think he knew I was telling at least the general truth, or he believed I at least couldn't read him. _No, you can't read him _I thought to myself, also holding my nerves together so that I could keep eye contact. _But then you aren't close enough to him. Yet._

He sighed then, an actual sigh that made his chest heave. "Why are you here Sookie? After all this time, why are you here and why are you alone?" The hurt look was back in his eyes, the dark shadowing that I'd seen only a couple of times before. He'd admitted his feelings for me once, that he liked me and that I drew out his human side which terrified him at first but then gave him a new love of life. Of course I'd told him exactly how I felt right back.

"I've been heading back for a few months now. Three to be exactly, and one week and two days. It would have been much sooner but I couldn't just leave, I had some planning to do first." The memory of all my nights spent planning, putting together every little detail and scenario that could possibly happen brought a sick, twisted smile to my lips.

"What happened then?" Curiosity got the better of Eric and filled his voice. His hands weren't running through his hair anymore, he was just looking at me, taking everything in.

"I killed Bill Compton, my maker." There was a gap of a second before Eric burst out into a deep resonating laughter that filled the room, tipped his head back and brought a smile to his face.

"You always could surprise me like no other," he smiled at me, still practically giggling with glee around his words. Well, the closest he could actually come to giggling anyway. He stared at me for a few more seconds, laughter shaking his chest and then he shook his head. The flabbergasted expression which arrived shortly after the laughter subsided, remained as he walked behind his desk and grabbed two bottles of True Blood out of his heated cabinet. He popped the tops and handed one to me silently.

I took the offer graciously and grabbed a straw from the little holder made out of plastic fangs, on his desk. It was only after I'd stuck it into my perfectly heated beverage that I realised he was looking at me oddly.

"What?" I asked with one eyebrow arched. I'd returned to where I'd been standing originally, near the door. He didn't say anything, he just arched one blond eyebrow back at me. "I'd don't like the staining on my lips and if I use a straw, the gunk doesn't stick to my teeth as much."

"So, what the fuck happened?" He took a seat in his large backed office chair and propped his feet up on the table. I was expecting more rage, instead I got an eerie calm.

"Can I sit?" I asked, not daring to be confident enough to just sit. He nodded his head. "Where would you like me to start?"

"The beginning."

I took a deep and unneeded breath as I started my little tale of woe.

_I was crying quietly in the front seat of the car as we drove down the almost abandoned highway. Every few minutes the cab was lit up with the bright lights of a passing car. It had been over a hundred miles since I'd seen a car going the same direction as us. My heart still felt like it was breaking in my chest, and I was beginning to doubt that I had actually made the right decision. _

_I still had my blood connection to Eric, it would take weeks if not months for it to clear. With it being night, I had what was almost a direct link to his mind. He was wallowing. Ever since I had told him I was leaving, it had been the same. First had been the rage, then the grief and finally the wallowing. His mind was spiralling ever downward. I wanted nothing more than to wrap him up in my arms and take everything back, but it wasn't an option. I was already on the West coast and I didn't have access to my cell phone. I couldn't say I was doing any better than he was, and regret had become my constant companion._

_"Everything will be okay, Sookie," Bill said, as he tried to calm me down. He slowly placed a hand on my thigh, but it didn't work, although I wasn't lost enough to not appreciate his effort. _

_"I'm beginning to doubt my decision," I told him honestly. I wiped at my puffed up eyes, removing the freshly shed tears. "We could have worked things out." Our differences were massive, but we were also so good together. We brought the best out in each other. _

_"Sookie, he wanted to turn you into a vampire. You love your human side, you can't give that up for someone." Bills words were true. I wasn't ready to give up my humanity for Eric, no matter how much I loved him. I just couldn't do it, yet. In the future, there were possibilities. Of course, we would no longer have that opportunity to find out. _

_"I know. But it hurts so much." Another wave of tears splashed down my cheeks. Thankfully, I didn't actually sob this time._

_"You are doing the right thing. We can't go back now anyway. We took a job for the Queen, we can't go back without finishing it." Bill reminded me. I sighed. There wasn't anything I could do for at least another few weeks. _

_The rest of our journey continued on like that for about a week. We kept travelling slowly up the west coast, stopping off to see certain sights. The space needle was probably my favourite. It was the night before we reached our final destination in Portland that Bill showed me the first hint of his true nature. _

_I was huddled in the passenger seat. My tears had dried up several nights ago and I was finally starting to eat again. I hadn't been hungry, but the food no longer upset my stomach. _

_"Are you ever going to snap out of this?" Bill asked harshly. _

_"I'm doing the best I can. It's not just, Eric. It's my family and friends too. I've left everyone behind for God knows how long, because we don't know how long this job will actually take."_

_"You can't blame the Queen for this. Sophie Anne needs this doing. You signed the contract." That should have been a warning sign. _

_"I know, it's just difficult." I was moping, and I didn't care. I just wanted a little compassion._

_"Well snap the fuck out of it." _

_The rest of that the nights we were travelling were spent in tense silence. We didn't stop anywhere. About an hour south of our prebooked hotel, his hand found its way to my knee again where it stayed. He gently stroked my knee with his thumb. Even through the thick denim of my jeans, I could feel his coolness. It might have meant to be comforting, it was anything but. All it did was remind me of what I had given up. _

_Portland was like the anti-Shreveport for me. There was nothing in it that really reminded me of home, which was both good and bad. At the start of the journey, Bill had confiscated my cell phone so that I wouldn't be tempted to contact anyone at home. Apparently, this mission for the Queen was top secret and no one could know what we were doing. Tracking little old me through my cell phone was an actual risk. _

_However, I was old school and actually had several phone numbers memorised, such as Merlotte's, Fangtasia and home. I couldn't have dialled Eric, he changed his cell phone so regularly that I never got the chance to memorise it. Those first few days in Portland I wanted nothing more than to pick up a phone and call Eric, to apologise. _

"So that is where you went."

"It was at first. We stayed there for about six months before moving on, trailing a group of anti-vampire law activists. I was made to infiltrate their group, which when you're sharing an apartment with a vampire the whole time, is interesting." I laughed humourlessly at everything I had been through, but those details were for a different time. For now, it was enough that I had been on a mission.

"If you wanted to call home so much, why did you not call Fangtasia?" He stared at me intently. Anger was simmering away underneath the calm surface. I was waiting for the explosion again that I'd seen when I had confirmed that Bill was my sire.

"I didn't get any time alone for a good couple of months; I was either with Bill, at the Fellowship church or with the activist group. Bill would never have allowed me to call. By the time he trusted me enough to have some time alone, too much time had passed. I didn't think you would answer. I had hurt us both so much." I sighed, I was making excuses. "I was scared."

"Five years and you never plucked up the courage?" He shook his head, disbelieving. "You are," he caught his mistake. "were, the bravest human I had ever met."

"What can I say? Apparently nothing scared me more than you." He frowned deeply. "I don't mean physically; you never made me feel anything but safe. But otherwise, you had the ability to hurt me like no one else." He nodded his head, understanding. There is no one who can hurt you like a lover, no one else who knows your secrets and your deepest fears.

"So that is where you went. What happened after Portland?"

_"Bill, why did you do that?" I screamed at him in our apartment. Rage was boiling through me until all I could see and feel was red. Five people had just been killed by my hands. Inadvertently and not directly, but it still ultimately came down to me. _

_"Sookie, you knew what this mission entailed. We succeeded." He glared at me while he spoke, for daring to yell at him I imagined. He couldn't understand why I was mad. Never had he seemed less human to me. _

_"No, we didn't. Those people are all dead, because of me. This is not what I signed on for. Those people were supposed to be tried by human law, justly; not be executed!" The phone call I had gotten from the church leader informing me of what had happened kept running through my mind. As soon as I heard the words leave his lips, my stomach had sunk. I had known instantly what had happened and who was behind the deaths. "Please tell me you didn't do this." I was pleading. _

_"It wasn't me."_

_"Honest truth. Don't you dare fucking lie to me." At that moment I couldn't really trust a word he said. I had to wonder if I ever could have. _

_"It was not me. Sophie sent a member of her guard." That sounded exactly like something that would happen. I had never known Bill to actually get his hands dirty with such things, although he didn't have a problem with them at all. I didn't like the way he was referring to the Queen as Sophie. I hadn't known anyone else ever do so. _

_"Fine." I snarled out, actually believing him. I spun around on the spot and fled from the room, straight out of the apartment. I didn't care that I had left my things. In that moment all I wanted was to get away. I couldn't stand to look at Bill, and I was sick to my stomach at the thought of what had happened because of me. _

"That night I walked around Portland for about four hours. I didn't have anything with me. No cash, no coat, no keys. I wanted nothing more than to come home that night. I think I might have even wanted it more than those first few days." I ran my hands through my hair and tied it up, and back from my face with the hair tie I kept around my wrist. Bloody tears were beginning to well up in my eyes once more from all the memories.

"There was nothing I could do. I didn't have anything. Bill found me wandering around downtown, trying to come up with how I could get a Greyhound bus ticket back home, or at least away from Portland. I didn't have much choice.

When I first left, it was only supposed to be for a month or so, two tops. From Portland we moved to our next job, in the boon docks of nowhere in South Dakota. Bill managed it so that I couldn't get away." Rage began to boil through me again. Was there something I could have done to get away sooner? To save my humanity?

"Were you with Bill?" A muscle in Eric's jaw was tensing repeatedly. The only sign of the tension that I knew he was feeling.

"No." I spat in disgust just at the thought. "I never was." The very idea made my stomach churn. If it was possible, I would have felt nauseous. Eric nodded his head and that muscle that was twitching didn't seem to be jumping quite so much.

The background noise from the club was still going strong. I had never known before, but soundproof walls weren't soundproof to vampire ears. I glanced at the clock and found that it was in the small hours of the morning.

"The jobs themselves aren't really important. The Queen, Bill exploiting my powers for their own good. Lorena. We never stayed in anyone place for more than a few months. Portland was the longest stop until we settled in rural Washington. I was a vampire by then. Bill had so much power over me, there was nothing I could do. Despise it as I might, he was still my maker and the internal rules governed me." A bright red tear streamed down my face. Eric's eyes traced its path. I quickly brushed it away before it had chance to stain my skin.

"Did you want it?" It was a simply question. However, I knew it would make all the difference.

"No." I gave a simple, honest answer to the simple question.

"Then how?" Curiosity was building in him. His elbows were on the arm rests while his fingers were tenting just under his chin. At one point, Eric had wanted this for me, for us. Obviously, I had never backed down insisting to him that I needed my humanity.

I sighed out slowly, willing myself to stay calm. "I can't, not right now. I want to tell you, I really do. Just give me some time. Just know that it still wasn't something I wanted, and I wasn't given an option." I implored him with my eyes to understand.

"Okay. So how were you able to kill him?" I shouldn't have been able to kill him. A newly turned vampire, because in their terms, I was nothing more than a baby, isn't physically capable of killing one's sire. The bond between sire and offspring is strong, even if you hate it. I think I might have been the only vampire to actually overcome it so soon, and that had been highly dependent on my unique powers.

Sirens became noticeable in the distance, becoming louder. Immediately, I was on edge. Ever since I had killed Bill I was on edge. I didn't know how long it would take someone to notice that he had disappeared. I didn't know if the Queen knew that he was dead yet. I had no way of checking. Thus, I was on edge all the time. Constantly checking over my shoulder had become my most frequent hobby.

"It wasn't easy. It took months of planning and right up until the moment I drove a stake through his chest I wasn't sure if I could actually do it." The sirens were definitely getting closer, within a couple of miles.

I closed my eyes lightly and pushed aside everything else but the power that was curled up inside my head. I unfurled the net and cast it out toward the cars that were still hurtling in this direction. There were three cars and a van, all full of police, including some vampire members. My heart began to race in my chest. I was still so young that my human nature still took over at times. In times of fear and excitement my heart still spontaneously beat. They were heading this way, the target was Fangtasia. Reports had flooded in about illegal activities going on in Fangtasia tonight. I couldn't read the vampires yet, but I could imagine that they weren't exactly upstanding members of the police force.

"I need to leave." There was no preamble. I jumped up form my chair so fast that it over turned, tumbling to the floor. "The police are coming here." Eric's nostrils flared as he too stood, listening to the incoming commotion. "I need to go." I was running through the office door before I had even finished my words. I didn't think about where I was going. I knew Fangtasia like the back of my hand. I turned right out of the office and down the short corridor to the staff exit at the back. My truck was parked right outside. I was always prepared for having to run. I jumped up onto the bench seat and rammed the keys into the ignition.

"Sookie!" The voice shouting my name was closer than I could have thought possible. I hadn't even bothered to think about what was immediately behind me. My enemy was in several cars heading this way. They would be here in less than a minute. Eric yanked open the driver's door and leant into the cab. "What is going on?" He was a writhing ball of anger and confusion.

"I have to leave. The cops are here to raid Fangtasia for illegal vampire activities. But I think they might be here for me. I need to leave, even if they aren't here for me. I can't be found here. It will get back to the Queen. Please, let me go, Eric." I pleaded with him again and my hand reaching out to grab the door that he was still blocking. He paused for less than a second.

"Move over." I heard the words but I couldn't comprehend them.

"What?" My skin was practically crawling with the need to get away from here.

"Move over," he repeated, not making any more sense to me. "Sookie, just move." I slid over the bench seat until I was in the passenger seat. Still not knowing why, but if it meant that I could start getting away from here, I was all for it. Eric slipped into the driver's seat and not a second later we were tearing away from the parking space toward the slip road.

"What are you doing?" I asked, panic beginning to rise further. Just as we pulled out onto the main road, using the opposite entrance from the police, they pulled into the parking lot.

"Driving." He shot a tight lipped smile my way and then all of his attention was back on the road.

"You know what the hell I mean." I snapped, my eyes searching the road behind us. The roads were quiet. I scanned each of the cars going in our direction, memorising the license plates.

"I am getting you the fuck out of here. Something is going on and I need to know what!" He slapped the steering wheel with his hand, causing the leather covered wheel to bend.

"Well, the Queen has probably just found out what I did to Bill, and wants my head in revenge." I shrugged my shoulders. We had turned onto the main highway, heading north out of the city. There were no cars around us that I remembered.

"Did you not cover your tracks?" Vampires had been killing each other for millennia without getting caught by human police, and their own methods of law enforcement.

"Of course I did," I scoffed. I wasn't totally stupid, even if I wasn't in the best head space right now. "But, no one else knew where we were. As far as I know, we had never been caught or hell even suspected on any of our missions, so there wasn't a price on our heads. Couple that with the fact that I've disappeared, and I think even the Queen is smart enough to figure out what happened." Eric had never been a fan of the Queen, which was yet another factor in why I had come back to him. I didn't deserve it, and he had every right to turn me out, but I needed his help. I wanted his help.

"So you are the only plausible murderess." He sighed out as the gravity of the situation dawned. The sad part was that, I'd barely told him but a part of the story of what happened while I had been gone.

"Yep." It was only then, when I finally relaxed enough to look ahead at where we were going rather than the cars behind us, that I realised I had absolutely no idea where we were going. "Where are we heading?" For all I knew, Eric was going to hand me over to the Queen in person. I almost snorted at the thought. That wasn't Eric's style at all.

"I have a safe house." I frowned.

"I thought you had several safe houses." It was one of the main reasons that he moved houses so often, so that it cut down on the chance that someone could figure out where he lived.

"I do. However, all but one are in Shreveport. Something tells me, Shreveport is not safe tonight." He relaxed back in his seat, extending his legs as much as possible in the confined cab. My backpack which contained my belongings was stowed under the seat. Everything that was of any importance was in my pocket.

I remained silent in the passenger seat for as long as possible. I didn't turn around again to glance behind us, but my eyes continually checked the rear view mirror. There were no cars that followed us for more than a couple of miles. Most cars couldn't keep up. As I began to slowly relax about being followed, other worries started to overcome me. Namely, why Eric was bothering to help me. At least, I hoped he was actually helping me. It wasn't his style to be taking me to the people chasing me, however, I didn't put it past him to be seeking some kind of vengeance for what I had put him through.

"Why?" I croaked out, when I was fed up of my mind running in circles. There was no point in running over the same questions when I could potentially get some answers from Eric himself.

"Why what?" He asked leisurely as he moved lanes to overtake a cruising car.

"Why are you doing this? Helping me, I mean." As I gave another glance in the rear view. I didn't recognise the car we had just passed and the driver was only thinking about getting home to bed. My nerves really were beginning to fray. Eric sighed loudly.

"Unfinished business? I want my own answers and if I let you go running off into the night, I have this strange sensation that I would never see you again." He was right on that one, having been chased away from Fangtasia, I doubt I would ever get the courage to go back there again under current circumstances. "And," he paused, sighing again and running his fingers through his long blond hair, "I want to. Something tells me that coming back to see me was a last resort. You were not just coming to check in with the local sheriff as rules dictate were you?" He glanced across at me. I couldn't read his expression. I could see pain in the set of his eyes and a deep sadness in his frown. It just didn't make any sense to me.

"No, I wasn't just checking in. I don't check in with anyone." It hadn't been safe to do so. Having a skewed view of vampire politics for so long, I had no idea who I could trust. Even the states not aligned with Louisiana might not appreciate harbouring a sire killer. I should have known Eric would be different. "You weren't though." I replied, not realising at first he might not follow which question I was answering. "A last resort. Okay, there wasn't really anywhere else I could go apart from staying on my own. And I didn't necessarily know I was heading back here until I was only a few hundred miles away." I was rambling. When I started again, I was much quieter. "I think my mind was always wanting me to come back. I have wanted to make things right between us for years." I slowly extended my hand out toward his. He always drove with his hand resting on the stick, something that he had picked up from learning to drive in stick shift cars. He had never dropped the habit. When we used to drive around together, we had always spent the majority of time with my hand atop his there. When my fingers were only inches away from his, my bravery disappeared and I quickly drew my hand back to my lap. My movement didn't go unnoticed. Eric simply nodded, remaining quiet.

Shreveport disappeared into the distance until I couldn't even see the glow of city lights anymore. The signs said we were heading south.

"Where are we going?" We had just passed a sign for New Orleans. At the speed Eric was driving it wouldn't take more than a couple of hours to get there.

"Baton Rouge." My eyes bugged out. The seventy miles between Baton Rouge and New Orleans, and therefore the Queen, didn't seem nearly enough for me. I had no idea where Lorena lived either. For all I knew, Baton Rouge could be her town. "The closer you are to danger, the further you are from harm." I couldn't help my smile.

"Did you just quote Lord of the Rings?"

"I paraphrased." He shrugged his muscular shoulders and sent me a sideways grin. "If those police back at Fangtasia really were looking for you, they would never expect you to head closer to New Orleans. We have some time." Despite understanding his logic, it was still unsettling to know the direction we were heading.

It wasn't long before we got off the highway and headed through what appeared to be the outskirts of town. We entered into a small community of family homes and followed the road around. Eric pulled the car onto a driveway right up at the end. A couple of seconds later the garage was opened and the car rolled in, a snug fit, but at least it was hidden from view.

I sniffed the air once I had opened the door. Pushing aside the general smells of a well used garage, I could smell what seemed to be a park. We were near the wildlife reserve. It was somewhere that I would never associate with Eric. A small family home, complete with backyard and a palm tree out front.

"What do you think?" He asked as he joined me at the front of the car. He was holding my back pack in one of his hands. I immediately reached for it and then cuddled it into my chest.

"It doesn't seem like you." Most people wouldn't know that Eric liked to work on his own cars. Not that they needed fixing most of the time, but he would tweak them, improve them if possible. The park close by would be perfect. Despite living in the city, he still loved the countryside.

Eric smiled, getting what I had implied. This house might not seem like him, but it did actually suit him.

"Does anyone know about this place?"

"No, not even Pam." My heart ached at the thought of Pam. I hoped she was okay. "She is fine." Of course, their bond would let him know if there was anything majorly wrong with Pam.

Eric unlocked the door after hitting the button to shut the garage door. I followed him inside. We entered into a small yet well equipped kitchen. Of course, there was no food, yet I had a feeling there would be some synthetic blood in the refrigerator, placed there 'just in case'. Through the open doors I could see through into a cosy looking living room and office.

Still cuddling my bag, I walked through into the living room. The window was covered with blinds, giving privacy, yet to the outside world the illusion that someone could be living here. I checked the street for signs of life, there was no one around, and then shut the blinds fully. There was no blackout blind.

"The main bedroom is safe." Eric told, reading me easily. I nodded in reply. I actually felt safer than I had in ages around him. I still trusted him. As I relaxed further, yet still standing awkwardly in the corner, I began to feel how tired I was. Dawn was little more than half an hour away. "You can go get washed. I will grab us bloods." Again I nodded and headed out of the room. I felt Eric's eyes on me until I closed the door lightly behind me.

As I had thought, the door lead to a small hallway and the staircase. The first room was a child's bedroom, decorated for a nursery and complete with a cot. I quickly back pedalled from the room, shutting the door firmly and moving down the corridor. Next was the bathroom, thankfully. I quickly locked myself inside and began to wash my face with freezing water. Bloody tears streamed down my face already. I hadn't realised the previous room had been enough to cause me to cry just from the brief glimpse. It was a stark reminder of everything that I had lost. There were no children in my future, if I even had a future at all.

I pulled up my composure, having gotten used to stopping myself crying a lot in thepast couple of years. I found a fresh towel in the linen closet and dried my face. You couldn't even tell that I had shed more tears. My eyes were still red stained from earlier. A few more tears hadn't made any difference. I quickly changed; my last clean outfit. I hadn't brought pyjamas with me so I was stuck with jeans and a t-shirt. It wouldn't make much difference. I would sleep no matter how uncomfortable I was.

I made my way into the next room where I could hear Eric moving around. I had no idea where I would be sleeping. There was no time for further talk tonight, even if I wanted to chat. I pushed open the door and stepped inside. I wasn't prepared for the sight that greeted me. Eric was standing next to the dresser, pulling his shirt over his head. His back was turned slightly toward me, giving me a perfect view of the muscles tensing under his skin. I had never seen the intricate play with vampire eyes. It was even more spectacular. I could see every small ripple, almost as though I could see the individual fibres contracting. My fangs shot out unexpectedly, splitting the inside of my lip. I managed to contain my gasp of pain.

"There is only one bedroom that is light proof," Eric stated. He pulled off his jeans until he remained in just his boxer briefs. I didn't let my eyes leave his face. In any other situation I would have suspected him of spinning the truth slightly to get us into the same bed. Even if he did still want me, which I couldn't begin to believe, he wouldn't have done that in this situation. "Do you not have anything else to sleep in?" He frowned, gazing at my jeans. I shook my head. I noticed a bottle of blood, it even had a straw in it on one side of the bed. Evidently that was to be mine. I could feel the sun beginning to rise. My eyelids became heavy. "I had forgotten what it is like to be young, and the power of the sun." I was too tired to reply to that.

Dawn was the most powerful. Everyone succumbed, no matter their age, rather quickly. The older you got, the better you felt right up until the last second that you had to surrender to the sun's power and sleep. Dusk was more lenient. Older vampires began to wake earlier, while the sun was still upon the horizon. I could barely wake up before the sun had completely set. Eric would be awake for several hours before I could stir. It hurt too much to think about that right now.

I sunk down onto the bed, not caring about the awkwardness or how strange it was to be crawling back into bed with the person who had been the love of my life; the only love of my _life_. As I slid down, resting my head on the pillow, a strong scent engulfed me; Eric. The entire bed smelled like Eric. He was everywhere. The delicious scent of his soap, the hint of mint from his shampoo and the unique scent which was his skin. This was the first time I was really, truly smelling it. When I had been human and wrapped up in his scent, I had thought it was just something that was Eric, like his own unique brand of vampire musk. Even half asleep I recognised it now as the scent of the ocean.

I felt the bed dip behind me as Eric got in. I said goodnight and thank-you, but I don't think I actually managed to form the sounds. It's a good thing there's the saying, it's the thought that counts. I would have to tell him in the morning, how very grateful I was, but for now, I was on the edge of darkness with my senses slowly slipping away. Movies always portrayed it wrongly. It wasn't like a sudden death when vampires fell asleep. We could even dream, on occasion, although it was far less common than for humans. Just as I was on the brink of nothingness, I felt a cool weight slide around my waist. It felt like a strong arm, pulling me into a muscular chest. My senses must have been further gone than I had imagined, and I was already beginning to dream.

Wakefulness came almost as slowly to me as sleep had. There was no arm around my waist. I wasn't snuggled up to anyone. I was snuggled up into the pillow, with one arm curled into my chest. I could smell Eric all around me. Something in my head was screaming home and there was a strong sense of safety. I had no desire to move yet, I didn't feel the need to get up and continue running. I breathed in deeply and buried my face further into the pillow. It was strange, I hadn't quite realised it until now, how long it had been since I had actually felt truly safe. Something touched my arm.

"Shh," a deep voice whispered calmly as the hand moved away from my arm. All sense of sleep had disappeared in an instant. I was already half sitting up, trying to be ready to defend myself. My panic stricken eyes met Eric's in the dim light. The only light came from the slight glow of his laptop which was on the bedside cabinet. Slowly he moved his hand back to my arm. When I didn't react violently to his cool touch, he kept his hand in place. Our eyes remained locked. "You are bleeding," he muttered softly, confusion evident. I hadn't expected those words.

He removed his hand from my arm. Once again, my human side had kicked in. My heart was beating quickly in my chest, although it was swiftly slowing down, and I was breathing through my mouth. Using his thumb, Eric gently touched my lip. He moved downwards, rolling my lip slightly to reveal my extended fangs and the two droplets of blood they had caused. I hadn't even noticed it until then. The tiny slices had already healed over.

He let my lip go and I immediately licked away the blood. He didn't stop touching me. His fingers traced a line across my jaw, down my neck. I managed to contain my shudder when he passed my shoulder. Luckily my t-shirt kept everything covered. He continued to move back down my arm, all the way to my wrist. His finger rested over my pulse point while my heart continued to slow it's beats until it eventually stopped. Only then did he continue until his fingers laced with mine. I was still half sitting, my elbow crooked underneath me to support my weight. Neither of us moved, too scared to in case I bolted. After a few seconds, I collapsed back down onto the mattress. Eric's hand grasped mine a little harder. His thumb began to stroke the back of my hand. Our eyes were still locked.

"How are you here?" He asked suddenly. He broke eye contact to scan down my body which was still covered by the blankets. Slight disbelief had filled his voice.

"I don't know," I whispered back. How I had managed everything seemed entirely too ridiculous to be true and I'd lived through it. Something should have gone wrong somewhere.

The laptop went into hibernation, casting the room into darkness. I could still see every detail of Eric's face. He was, of course, exactly the same. Straight nose, pouting lips, strong jaw. Somewhere on the borderline between striking and beautiful, that made him the most handsome man I had ever known. He was currently sporting the perfect amount of stubble. What had I done to him? What had I done to deserve his current kindness?

Eric shifted on the bed slightly, slinking down so that even with his long frame he was eye level with me. It was enough for me to gaze away from his captivating eyes. There was something hidden in them. He was still searching for answers to questions I really didn't know if I could answer. The what happened, how did it happen were fine. It was the 'why' that would really stop me in my tracts. One stupid mistake to give him up had been the pivotal decision that had brought about all the catastrophic events of the past few years.

"Sookie," he whispered, his voice barely more than a breadth. His over hand grasped mine and he returned his attention to stroking my cheek. His movements were so gentle and soft, as though he was afraid that I would lash out at any moment. To be fair, I wasn't sure that I wasn't about to bolt. I was waiting for the catch, the other shoe to drop as they say. I didn't deserve this, no matter how much I wanted it, how much I had dreamed about it. Dreams didn't come true for me, not any more.

I closed my eyes lightly, praying that the tears wouldn't come welling up. It was easier to cope with my eyes shut. It was more like a dream if I couldn't see him laid next to me. My fangs were still down, the tips of them resting against my lower lip. His attention turned to them. I had to turn my head away. Eric's hand flattened against my cheek, turning my face back toward him. I could feel his eyes boring into me, yet I still couldn't open my eyes. The bed shifted again.

"Look at me," he stated softly, still managing to keep it just away from a command. Tentatively I opened my eyes to find him closer than before. His face filled my vision. I could feel the tears getting closer and I had to swallow. Eric ignored my movement. Proceeding slowly, he leaned in closer, giving me time to back away. I stayed frozen in place. "Tell me to stop." I couldn't do it. I couldn't make him stop. No matter my thoughts that I didn't deserve this and shouldn't do this, that we could both get hurt, I couldn't stop him. I lay perfectly still, unable to stop him yet unable to offer encouragement.

The moment before his lips meant mine, my eyes closed. I sucked in an unnecessary breath, and yet again his scent engulfed me. Then our lips met. It was nothing like it was in Fangtasia. There was no crushing passion, yet there was definitely intensity. Without knowing it, my hands went up to hold his face, desperately not wanting the dream to end.

The kiss wasn't leading anywhere. It was a kiss for the sake of a kiss. When Eric believed I wanted this, I felt some of the tension leave his body. He relaxed further, leaning over me until I could feel the hard press of his body against mine. He felt different. Previously he had always been cool to the touch, something that I had always enjoyed in the heat of the moment. Now, he was neither hot nor cold. He was the exact same temperature as me. I couldn't decide whether I liked it or not, it was simply different. It was a reminder, even when most of my mind was occupied, that everything had changed. My hands moved, my fingers moving through his hair. I wanted him. I needed him. More than just the primal urge. I wanted Eric the person, not just his body. I shouldn't have him, I didn't deserve him, but I wanted him none the less. A tear slipped between my eyelashes.

I tried sinking further into the kiss, pushing out all thoughts. I concentrated on the fullness of his lips and the press of his fangs. How amazing it felt when his tongue danced between my own fangs. My thoughts invaded, bringing me back to reality.

"Stop!" I gasped. More tears had slipped through my eyelashes to run down my cheeks. My face would soon look like a massacre. I pushed Eric back, even though my face was turned away. "Please, stop. I'm sorry." I sobbed, rolling away from him. I fell from the bed, clattering to the floor in a heap. I was in too much of a mess to catch myself. "We can't." I muttered as I got my feet under me and scuttled across the floor desperate to get as far away from him as possible.

"Sookie," he started, and I got a glimpse of him. It broke my heart again to see. He was still on the bed, one hand on the dent in the pillow where my head had been just a second ago. Shock and pain were written across his face. "What? Why?" He moved gracefully from the bed, moving toward me in the same way you would approach a dangerous animal.

"We can't," I reiterated. I reached the far wall, the furthest I could get. I knelt down, hugging my knees to my chest. I pulled up my shields as I tightly as I could, too scared to let anything through. I was drowning. I had been through a lot but even I couldn't manage to survive _that! _"No." I sobbed silently. My dream could never come true.

"What did I do wrong?" He asked, unsure where this was coming from. He had given me every opportunity to stop before he had kissed me. I hadn't wanted him to stop. There was still a large part of me that desperately wanted to kiss him, hold him again.

"Nothing," I replied. He had done nothing wrong. It was all me and he couldn't know how dangerous it was to get close to me again. It was stupid, foolish to ever think that it would be safe to go with him. Why had I let him take me away from Fangtasia? Why had I agreed to sharing the bed? After our kiss last night, we were already in dangerous territory. It had taken much less than that before.

"Then why?" He was kneeling down on the floor beside me at that point. Hand out stretched to touch me but not quite connecting. I was shaking.

"Because you would hate me."

**Thanks for the wonderful response to the first chapter, it made my week. Hopefully, this lives up to expectation. A massive, massive thank-you to my beta, whodat2010 who did an incredible job on this one. Dealing with a tired writer can't be pleasant. **

**So last week I mentioned that I was going on a trip at Easter to India as part of Mission Rabies (you can google it). Well, this week is the part where I tell you that I'm fundraising for part of my trip. We need to raise money for more vaccines, equipment (such as suture materials, clean water, medications, synringes etc,) and I would really appreciate it if you could sponsor me. For parting with your cash for this very worthy cause I will be writing a short story that will only be available to those who helped. Obviously, just send me an email and then I can send it to you. The other part is that I haven't made it public knowledge to everyone that I write ff as well as my completely original stories so please don't shout it out. But, you will get your reward! PM if you have any queries or want to know more about the project etc. **

** just giving dot com / Natalie - Ratcliffe**


	3. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own, the Southern Vampire Mysteries belong to Charlaine Harris**

"Why would I hate you?" His hand finally touched my forearm. I jumped, still shaky at his touch but couldn't find the strength to pull away. I just held onto my shields even tighter.

"Don't you hate me already, anyway?" I snapped back bitterly.

"No." The honesty of his voice shocked me and I turned to face him. His face was completely open. He was telling the truth.

"You should."

"Maybe so, however, I do not. Enraged. Betrayed. Sad and hurt, but not hate. Never hate." His thumb stroked small circles on my arm. "Why would I hate you now?" He asked and I knew I would actually have to answer him, rather than evading his question.

"I'm dangerous." There was a twinkle in his eye that he couldn't suppress. Some part of him still thought of me as human; defiant, unpredictable yet never quite making it to dangerous. "I wasn't entirely honest with you earlier." His thumb stopped moving, but he didn't remove his hand. He remained motionless as I continued. "I need to tell you something. I know I don't deserve this, but will you promise me something first?" I brushed away my tears and lifted my chin in the air.

"What?" He asked cautiously.

"If you decide to kill me, do it quickly." His brow furrowed in a deep frown. He was about to speak when I held a hand up to stop his words. All I wanted was an answer, not more questions. Finally, his frown smoothed and he nodded his head. "I said that I couldn't read vampire minds. For the most part that really is true." I sucked in a deep, calming breath. I felt the oxygen in my lungs, exciting the blood there. I let the breath out slowly through my mouth, counting to five. "When I get close to a vampire; physically, emotionally or just over time in close proximity, I begin to hear their thoughts." Eric's face was an unreadable mask of stone. This was why I was dangerous. I closed my eyes again, waiting for the release. It never came. After several seconds I opened my eyes to find Eric in the exact same position; not even his face had moved.

"Can you read my mind now?" His face was unreadable, giving nothing away. My shields were still clamped in place. I didn't dare to lower them, to test the waters. I didn't want to try to read his mind. Yet, even with the shields in place he still felt like a normal vampire.

"No," I croaked out.

"Okay." Before I could do anything, Eric's strong arms wrapped around me. He picked me up in one smooth movement and transported me to the bed. As soon as we sat down, with his arms still holding me close, I panicked and began to fight. I needed to get away from him. I actually got an arm free at first as I thrashed in my struggle. My fingers wrapped around his, trying to pry them from him holding my legs down.

"Sookie, no. You are not leaving and I am not going anywhere." I barely registered his words. I continued to thrash, throwing my weight around, searching desperately for a weakness in his embrace. My freed arm was captured back into his grip. "Calm down," he requested. I glared at him, fuming and desperate. I didn't intend to, but I caught his eyes. "Calm down." This time his words were softer, almost as though he was pleading with me. Then he spoke the word that I never anticipated. "Please." The fight fled from my body in that instant.

"I'm scared," I told him honestly, my voice ragged with emotion.

"Why?" He asked. Eric wasn't used to feeling scared, it was a foreign emotion for him. Apparently one that he couldn't comprehend properly.

"I don't want to get close to you!" I replied brutally. "If I do, you'll kill me, because I'll be in your mind!" I almost screamed the last part. "I couldn't stand that, not after being close to you, again."

"Did you ever stop to consider that I am over a thousand years old?" I stared at him blankly, wondering why he was telling me his age. "What is the oldest vampire that you have ever read?" He asked pointedly and it finally clicked into place.

"About four hundred." The one time that I had met the Queen since I had turned, I had been able to read one of her thug henchmen.

"Six hundred years younger than me. How long did it take you to be able to read him?" The entire incident had occurred about a eighteen months after I had turned, the first vampires I had really been around except for Bill who I had been able to read almost instantly.

"A few minutes." We had been present at a meeting that Queen had orchestrated with Arkansas to test the waters about joining the states up under vampire control. I was to read the minds of the humans on Arkansas' side. The vampire in question, Niles, had been assigned to watch over me when I was moving around the mansion. It hadn't been a simple read like in broadcasters. Rather than full thoughts or even images, it was just impressions.

"Exactly. We have been in close proximity for twenty four hours and nothing. We shared a bed, a car, a kiss. If you were going to be able to read me, it would have happened by now."

"How can you know that?" My brain refused to understand his logic.

"Sookie, I am powerful." It sounded like a simple, honest statement. For once, he wasn't saying it to be cocky. "I know my capabilities. No one is getting into my head, not even you, beautiful." I wanted desperately to believe him. If I did, it would alleviate one of my biggest worries. Even when I had been on my way to see him, it had been a worry. One that I had been able to overcome by knowing that I wouldn't be around him for long and that I _needed_ to see him. "No matter how close we get, you are not getting into my head." He leant forward and softly kissed my forehead. "See? Nothing." He kissed me again. I felt nothing in my head. Not an inkling of a thought or an impression. For all the information I was getting from him, he might as well have been a statue.

"Promise?" I whispered as I began to relax into his arms.

"You have my word." It was enough for my instincts. After all this time, I still felt like I could trust him, and after the years of him protecting me, it was still like he was looking out for me.

I collapsed against his chest and let the tears of relief wash down my cheeks. My body shuddered as I let go. Eric's hands stroked up and down my back, keeping me close. We stayed like that for a few minutes, just holding each other. I had one arm wrapped around the back of his neck, clinging on tightly. Slowly, I began to calm down and the tears dried up. Everything would be okay, for now. Right here, right now, in Eric's arms, it felt like nothing was going to conquer me. I felt the blood drying on my skin beginning to flake. The itchiness started.

I managed to untangle myself from Eric's arms. Telling him I would be right back, I washed my face in the sink. Vampire tears came without the snot involved with humans, but there was another disgusting component. Rather than just evaporating, our tears tended to stain and dry, flaking off in a revolting manner. I brought the clean wash cloth back into the bedroom, knowing that I would have gotten at least some tears on his bare chest. As soon as he was clean, I clambered back onto the bed and snuggled in beside him. Exhaustion was beginning to take over me. With Eric's promise still ringing through my mind, I wrapped myself around him, using his chest as a pillow. As soon as I was settled, his arm went around my waist, securing me in place.

"What time is it?" I croaked out. I had no idea how much time had passed. The night was still silent outside the house, and all I could tell from my internal clock was that dawn was still several hours away. I was exhausted. I hadn't eaten all night and if my stomach was still capable of growling, it would have. Eric shifted around me.

"Quarter to three," he replied. I snuggled further down in his arms. The worry was definitely still there, like a nagging sensation at the back of my mind, but I was paying it as little attention as possible. His words did seem to be true. I had been less close to some young vampires for a shorter period of time and had already had insight into their minds. Eric was still wonderfully blank.

"What am I going to do?" I asked aloud, not actually expecting an answer. It was obvious that I couldn't stay. We had the safe house for now, but it wasn't a long term solution. Eventually we would be found. I wasn't willing to let it come to that. For now, the last few hours of this night, I was quite willing to stay here. The next evening I would shatter my dreams and come back down to reality. There was no way this was going to last.

"_We_ are going to ascertain a plan." I glanced up at him. Right now, it was easy to believe him and put all my faith in the prospect of coming up with a plan.

"To do what exactly?"

"Placate the Queen, Lorena, whoever else you managed to piss off." He actually grinned. "Life is always interesting with you around." His eyes lit up, twinkling in the darkness with mischief brimming just beneath the surface.

"Why are you here? What the hell did I do to deserve this?" I asked. I had been thinking it all evening and finally voiced my question.

"Killed Bill." He replied in dead pan before smiling broadly. "I had been wanting to stake that bastard for years, yet the opportunity never arose. He was always too close or important to the Queen on one of her projects."

"That's not what I meant." I had run away from Eric and our relationship. I had fled with the man that he hated and had been turned, against my wishes into a vampire. Turning me had been something Eric had wanted for some time, yet I had not. Now I turn up, out of the blue, a vampire that was turned by the same bastard he had wanted to stake. Talk about complicated.

"I know," he replied cryptically in a way that I knew I wouldn't be getting an answer out of him any time soon. It would have to do. I was still waiting for the other shoe to drop. "Now," he rolled onto his back and stretched. "Blood." With that he gracefully got up and padded, barefoot, from the room. Of course he was still only wearing his boxer briefs. Was it wrong of me to ogle his ass as he moved?

I got up slowly from the bed. If I was human, I would have been aching from lying so long in one position. As it was, I stretched once and was fine. I joined Eric in the kitchen where I found him already sipping on a bottle of synthetic blood. There was another bottle on the counter beside him which he offered to me when I walked through the door.

"You are skinnier." He noted suddenly after a few seconds. My eyes widened in surprise at his statement.

"Stress caused a lack of appetite." I replied in way of explanation. My siring hadn't exactly been planned and I hadn't intentionally lost weight. I had been fine before hand, a little soft around the curves but at least halfway to athletic. "Sorry." I don't know why I said it. It just seemed like something I should say, like I had disappointed him.

"Do not be sorry for something that is not in your control." He set his empty bottle on the counter. "You were beautiful before, you are beautiful now. It was simply an observation."

Without intending to, Eric had turned the atmosphere heavy. I quickly finished my blood and threw the bottle in the recycle bag. I stood, uncomfortably, for a few seconds.

"I'm going to go shower." I stated and then turned about to head upstairs. I didn't have any clean clothes to change into or even a towel to call my own, so I just headed to the bathroom. As soon as I was in there I shut the door behind me. I needed something to lean on. The cold porcelain of the sink underneath my hands felt wonderful. I knew Eric really didn't mean anything harmful with his comment, but it still felt like a criticism. It was something that I was uncomfortable with. A constant reminder that I could never, really, be the girl I used to be.

"Come on, Sook, pull it together," I whispered to myself. I was struggling to keep memories of that horrible night from my mind. I didn't remember too much of what happened to me, but what I did acutely remember was horrific enough.

I pushed up from the sink, making the plaster on the wall groan. The shower was switched on and the hot water began to fall in a strong gush. It didn't take long for the steam to begin to form. The hot water would feel wonderful against my cool skin. I grabbed the hem of my shirt and pulled it up, over my head.

"Sookie," Eric started as he opened the bathroom door without knocking. He never had been one for much privacy. My shirt had just made it over my ears. I froze in place, not knowing what to do. There was no way that he couldn't have seen and turning around would only make it worse. There was nothing I could do and nowhere to run. Eric didn't continue what he was going to stay.

My arms folded against my chest as I curled into myself. I felt rather than heard him take another step closer to me. One cool hand gently touched my shoulder, making me quiver. Eric's fingers traced the ragged lines of my scar upward, across the top of shoulder and closer toward my neck.

"What happened?" He asked softly, his voice barely above a whisper. The steam continued to fill the room. I slowly turned around, knowing there would be no escape. It seemed that I wouldn't be able to wash away my memories tonight. I dropped my shirt to the floor, exposing the rest of my scar. I couldn't drop my arms; instead I kept them folded across my chest. They hid nothing, but gave me some defence. Eric's eyes widened slightly as he took in the mess that had become my right clavicle. His fingers continued to trace over the rugged skin, and into the dip where a chunk of my flesh was missing. He only stopped when he reached the smooth skin that started just before my neck. "Tell me?" His eyes met mine and I knew he really was asking, not demanding. "Who hurt you?"

"I don't know," I replied honestly. The vampire that had caused the mess was dead and I had never met him before that night. I knew he was working for the vampires of the Wyoming, which is where I had been at the time. I couldn't even tell you his name. "It all happened the night I was turned." I was determined that I was going to get through this without tears. I'd shed far too many tears already for the nameless fiend. I'd shed too many tears for the person responsible for me keeping the scars.

Eric didn't say anything, he simply continued to stand there, just inches away and giving me his support. He brought a hand up to sweep my hair away from my face. After a few seconds his beautiful eyes scanned down again, taking in the scar. It was a massive raised network of scars really, rather than just one. It started on my back, just above my shoulder blade as thin, slightly raised lines. The lines worked upward, over my muscles to my clavicle where the real mess started. There wasn't any normal skin along most of my clavicle. It had all been chewed. The scars were raised, jagged and ugly. The edges were uneven. The worst part was in the natural, smooth dip created between my muscle and my clavicle, a chunk was missing, leaving a horrid dent. Luckily for me, it could all be covered up with a simple t-shirt.

"How?" Eric asked, voice quiet. He was struggling to understand, it was written all over his face. When you are sired, you are healed. At least, that's how it's supposed to work. I found out the hard work that it doesn't always work like that.

_"Don't be mad, don't be mad," I chanted aloud as I hurriedly made it along the driveway. There had been terrible traffic in town due to an accident and I'd been stuck, hence why I was late. I just hoped that Bill would understand. I was pretty lucky he hadn't already come looking for me. If I had a cell phone, this wouldn't ever have been a problem. I could have just called him. But no, I still wasn't allowed a phone. _

_I quickly put the car into park and hopped out. Full darkness had fallen about half an hour ago, meaning that Bill would definitely be up and about. I grabbed my purse from the passenger seat and got out. It was while I was searching through my purse for my keys when it hit, quite literally. _

_I was tackled to the ground. The fall knocked all the air out of my lungs, I couldn't even scream. Panic immediately set in and all I could feel was the blank space that told me that whoever had knocked me over was a vampire. I sucked as much air into my lungs as possible. A pale face came into view above me, pinning me to the ground. _

_"Hello, we meet at last." I would have retorted if I could get the air to speak. My wrists were pinned to the ground by one of his hands while he straddled my waist. I couldn't move. My body wouldn't cooperate with the dead weight on me. My muscles burned as they tried, desperately, to get enough strength to fight. "I have to say, you're prettier than I imagined." I had no idea who he was. He was young, barely a couple of years old. If he'd been human, I would have put him in his late teens. _

_"How?" I gasped, trying to put all of my questions into that one word. How did he know me? How did he know where to find me? He didn't bother to answer me. _

_"I hope you taste as good as described," he murmured, a gleeful tone in his voice. My stomach sank, my heart galloped in my chest and I tensed. I tried bucking up my hips, I tried kicking, I tried thrashing but nothing worked. The most I could do was get him to move a couple of inches. He actually laughed, right in my face. He lent back, making a show of letting his fangs pop out. _

_"Argh! Help!" I screamed as loud as I could, despite my protesting lungs. A hand clamped down on my mouth, cutting off my scream. I didn't waste any time, I bit down as hard as I could on that hand. With my wide mouthed scream, some of his flesh was inside. My incisors met, tearing through part of his hand. The acrid taste of blood filled my mouth. "Help!" I yelled again. I continued to try thrashing, ignoring my painful muscles. _

_"Bitch!" The vampire exclaimed. His grip tightened on my wrists, pushing my hands into the ground harshly. _

_I didn't get any warning for what came next. _

_The vampire's head came rushing down toward me. His movement didn't actually register in my mind until the searing pain shot through my neck and shoulder. I felt his fangs punch through my skin. My blood immediately sprang up. His teeth sunk further into my flesh, ripping through me. I screamed, one long intelligible noise. Pain took over me, until it was all I could sense. Part of my shoulder gave way. I heard the squelching sound of the chunk of my flesh hitting the ground next to my ear. The pain intensified beyond what I could imagine. Tearing, ripping, biting. Only then, after savaging me like a rabid animal did he start to drink my blood. _

_The pain was all consuming. I couldn't move my right arm. In the world of pain that my mind swam in, my right arm was blissfully numb. I grabbed the back of his head, trying to pull him away. All I had to do was get inside and I would be safe. I pulled his hair, tearing out a chunk. He didn't even stop to wince. _

_I didn't give up. I never gave up. I fought until the end. Blood loss quickly took over me. The world began to swim before my eyes. The pain went away. That was when I knew I wouldn't be making it out of the situation alive. First of all I went numb. I thanked God for the relief. I wasn't scared anymore. Even knowing that the end was inevitable, I still used my weakening strength to fight. I wriggled, I moved, I tugged and screamed until the bitter end. Just as my vision was receding, it all ended. _

"My memory of that moment is hazy at best. That was when Bill swept in to save the day," I muttered sarcastically. "He threw the vampire off of me and staked him right there and then. I remember, vaguely, watching him die in front of me. Of course his blood got all over me then as well."

_"Come on, Sookie," Bill whispered to me as he picked me up. I couldn't move. I couldn't feel anything. I could barely even see. I was aware, distantly of Bill's arms around me and moving into the house. I was placed in Bill's bed. It was wrong, I shouldn't have been in there. I was dying, and there was nothing I could do about it; it was simply a matter of time. The vampire was dead. There was no one left for me to fight. _

_My eyelids closed yet I still clung on to life. Everyone talks about living life to the fullest, have no regrets. It was in that moment that my biggest regret came roaring up through my mind. Eric. I hadn't thought of him during the attack. Every fibre of my being had been set on getting away. Now that there was nothing left to fight, Eric was my sole focus. I had left him and I never should have. He was my soul mate. Think what you will, but I whole heartedly believe that vampires have souls. I still loved him, even after all this time. I wanted him, no, needed him. I would never get the chance to tell him I'm sorry. I would never get the chance to make it better, because there was no way that I could make it right. He would never be in my life again. I could picture him, as clearly as if he was standing right in front of me. Blond hair falling over his shoulders, eyes sparkling in the light from the fire. One of my favourite memories of him as we cuddled in the lounge. He threw his head back and laughed, loudly. The movement reverberated through his body so I could _feel _his laugh. I snuggled into his side further and giggled. _

_I would have been content to die like that. With Eric taking over my mind, free from pain. It didn't happen. _

I couldn't bring myself to tell Eric exactly what my first few moments as a vampire were like. The pain was too much. In those moments I had hated myself. I didn't anymore which was the important thing, but I had back then. I didn't want Eric to know that, yet. I would have to tell him eventually, but right now, it was too much.

_I bolted awake. All my senses were suddenly switched on and the first word that sprang through my mind was intensity. Everything was so intense, like everything had been put on overdrive. I could a moth somewhere, flapping it's tiny wings as it sought out a light bulb. There was the horrible stench of decaying blood coming from somewhere close by. I could practically taste it at the back of my throat. When my eyes snapped open, I could see in crystal clear detail. The first thing I saw was Bill's grinning face, fangs run down and eyes sparkling. It was in that exact moment that I fully realised the exact magnitude of my situation. _

_My heart wasn't beating. I had no desire to take a breath. My skin was room temperature. I wasn't human anymore. _

_"What did you do?" I croaked out. I didn't give him a chance to explain anything. I sat up from where I had been lying on the sofa. I rushed from the room, ignoring all of my senses as I entered the bathroom. All my nerves were sending me information and it was too much. _

_I finally stood in front of the mirror and saw the horror that was myself. I was drip white, my hair hung limply around my shoulders, in desperate need of washing and what was left of my clothing was blood stained. At least I knew where the horrendous stench was coming from. There was a terrible scar stretching out along my clavicle, shoulder and extending almost to my chest. The worst part was seeing the shining white tips of fangs digging into my lower lip. _

_I was a vampire. _

_My world came crashing down around me, again. I clutched the sink desperately. I couldn't face myself in the mirror anymore, I had to look away. My pale hands clutched the porcelain. Rage boiled up in me in an instant until all I could see was red. I had lost the only thing I had left. I had finally lost the one thing that I had cherished so much, that I had been willing to break my own heart for it. I had lost my humanity. Except, I hadn't lost it. It had been stolen from me. _

_"Bill," I growled. I didn't need to look up to know he was already standing in the door way. For the first time I had actually heard him move. "What did you do?"_

"And that's how it happened. As I said, I didn't have any choice in the matter." I shrugged my shoulders. There was nothing I could do about it now. Eric opened his arms to me, inviting me in for a hug. I carefully stepped forward, folding my arms into my chest first. He pulled me tight into his chest, giving me strength. I felt him kiss the top of my head.

"How did you scar? I have met many vampires that were turned in battle, or after a horrendous accident. They do not have scars." Eric was puzzled. I couldn't blame him. Bill hadn't known either when he had turned me. Not that he cared.

"Bill was weak, and so was his blood, especially for someone over a hundred." I stated. It was the simplest start to the explanation. "I was a little too close to death for his blood to initiate the change straight away. His blood had to heal me a little first. I don't fully understand it myself. All I know is that when I woke up, I had these scars."

Eric was silent for a long while. I couldn't begin to comprehend what was going through his mind. I couldn't even see his face to read his expression. His strong arms kept me clutched to his chest. One hand rubbed circles on my bare back.

"You are beautiful," he whispered. I pulled back enough to stare up into his face. His mouth was set in a hard line. I smiled at him weakly, not really feeling that his words were true, but acknowledging the complement. "Bill should never have done what he did. There is so much that is wrong with your story." I felt the tension running through his body. It was when I saw that his fangs were down that I realised he was thrumming with rage. "You said that Bill orchestrated the entire thing?" His face became a blank mask of stone as he prepared for the part of the story that he really didn't want to hear.

"Yes. I didn't find out for awhile. It was only about eighteen months ago. I had been able to read his mind for awhile, but this was the first time I had been listening in when he had been thinking about that night." I tucked myself back into Eric, my head under his chin. "He had contacted a vampire that the Fellowship had been keeping locked up to sacrifice at a special meeting. Bill released him, although I'm still unsure on those exact details. And Bill told him where he could find an easy meal. The meal was me. He didn't pull him off until I was too far gone to be saved by just blood. I needed to be changed to survive." A low growl rolled through Eric's chest. His muscles were tensed as hard as rock.

"Bastard," he muttered emphatically. Eric could be a monster and he had desperately wanted me to be a vampire, to join him so that we could be together. However, no matter how much he had wanted me to become a vampire, he would never have done it against my will.

"Pretty apt description," I chuckled humourlessly. At least the bastard was dead. "I don't remember much of that night he managed to keep me alive. I don't know how he managed it. I wasn't conscious for most of it. The hazy images I have are just memories of other things."

"If he were alive..." Eric started. I placed a hand on his chest, trying to stop his words. There was no point going down that road.

"I know. But he's not. I just have one horrendous reminder of him." I don't know how I had managed to get through the entire story without crying. There wasn't enough therapy in the world for everything I had been through.

"Look at me." I stepped back slightly so that I could do what he wanted. When I met his eyes, I found them soft. The anger had left them. His fangs were still run down and there was far too much tension in the set of his shoulders, but he had a grip on his rage. "You are beautiful." His hands cupped my face, his thumbs stroking along my cheeks. "Do not let these marks be a reminder of him. Let them be a reminder of how strong you are. I always knew you were a warrior, and this is just more evidence of it." What he did next surprised me. He dipped his head down and placed a simple, slow kiss right in the middle of the scar. I flinched as he made contact, I couldn't help it. The memory was raw.

"Thank-you," I whispered because I didn't know what else to say. When he stood up again I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him tight. "I'm so sorry." I mumbled into his neck, hoping that he would be able to comprehend.

"I know." His arms wrapped around my waist, keeping me close.

It was his cell phone that broke the moment, with the blaring ring tone snapping us out of our thoughts. He didn't even look at the screen. Instead he just hit the mute button and placed it on the sink, all the while keeping one arm around my waist.

"I need to shower," I stated awkwardly. For me, the moment was broken, no matter how brief the disruption had been. I wasn't used to this much contact anymore. It had been years since I had been regularly hugged or kissed. It was unusual and overwhelming.

"Okay. Dawn is not that far away." Slowly, he let me go and I stepped away.

When I opened the bathroom door twenty minutes later, there was a small bundle of clothes on the ground. Of course, Eric hadn't done laundry, that was a foreign concept for him. Instead, he'd left a couple of his fresh clothes for me to change into. Since I didn't relish the idea of sleeping in my jeans again, especially after wearing them for another day, I quickly changed. The soft cotton t-shirt was far too big for me, I was swathed in the fabric but it was better than mine. Somewhere he'd managed to find a pair of normal boxers for me too.

I couldn't believe how thoughtful he was being. I mean, I knew he could be kind and sweet, that was the Eric I knew intimately when we were together. But, we weren't together. He was like candy, all tough outer shell, with a big gooey centre that only some people actually got to. I was one of the lucky ones that had seen underneath the persona. However, it had taken me months to get there, even though he had pretty much always had a soft spot for me. How could I have been forgiven? With everything that I had put him through, why was he being so thoughtful? That's when I realised I might not actually have been forgiven. I had apologised in the bathroom, heartfelt yet pathetically, and he hadn't actually accepted. He had only said 'I know'.

So when I finally padded into the bedroom, where I knew Eric was, it was with some trepidation. I couldn't anticipate his next action and it was unnerving. Having lived with Bill for so long, I had become accustomed to always knowing what he would do next, both because I could read him and since he was so predictable. With Eric, I couldn't read him and he was anything but predictable.

My strapping vampire was already propped up on his side of the bed. It was strange that we'd automatically stepped straight back into our sides of the bed, the same ones we'd used previously. He was busy typing away on his laptop.

"Good shower?" He asked without even looking up from the screen. When I actually took him in, I was unsurprised to see him wearing next to nothing. From his position I could see his bare chest and legs. For all I really knew, he could have been naked. The laptop was obscuring his pelvis.

"Yeah," I replied with a shrug. I had been far too preoccupied to let my mind wander into blankness like what normally happened. With the hot steam and water pounding on my muscles, showers were usually my time for peace. With the horrid memories still floating around, the shower hadn't been its normal relief today. "Thanks for the clothes. What are you working on?" I busied myself by looking through my back pack. Of course, there was nothing I really needed, but it delayed me having to slide into bed. It was awkward, at least I found it awkward. There was probably very little to nothing that would make Eric feel awkward.

"Pam has emailed me since I did not answer my phone."

"Oh," was my eloquent reply. Once again my mind swam with guilt. Pam had been one of my best friends for years. When I had run away from my feelings and relationship, Eric hadn't been the only one hurt. I had hurt everyone, including my best friend.

"Everything is repairable at Fangtasia, she is dealing with it. No one was arrested as they found no illegal activity. Apparently, when asked, the police were not very forthcoming about why there was a raid." So my panic had been for a good reason. The police wouldn't just raid a bar for no reason, even a vampire bar. Vampires had been out of the coffin for so long now, that many tensions had died down. Of course, the Fellowship of the Sun was still active, but it had far fewer followers now.

"That's good." I paused, plucking up the courage to ask my next question. "How is Pam?" It sounded so simple.

"You will have to ask her yourself the next time you see her." The words stung, probably more than they should. I had no idea if I would be seeing Pam again. I was pretty much living every day as it came. I didn't really have a plan for the future. My goal had been to get to Fangtasia and see Eric. I hadn't really thought past that point. In response, I just nodded my head, not daring to commit anything to words.

There was another problem where Pam was concerned. I would be able to read her. She wasn't very old, not even one hundred and fifty yet. I quickly snapped myself out of that train of thought; I still wasn't entirely convinced by Eric's logic. I desperately wanted to trust that he was powerful enough to keep me out, no matter what, yet I still couldn't quite believe it.

"Come to bed." I looked up at Eric's words. He had powered down his laptop and set it aside. He wasn't naked; he was wearing black boxer briefs that left very little to the imagination. I felt like a deer caught in headlights, so I must have looked like one. "Come to bed," he stated again softly, this time with a little more question in his tone.

I didn't reply, instead I slowly stood up and moved over to my side of the bed. Eric lounged back, appearing as unthreatening as he possibly could. While I stood there, debating, I took him in. Long blond hair was swept back from his face, leaving the proud features clear. His gorgeously deep blue eyes stared back at me. Even lounging, his muscles had stark distinction. There were delicious pecs, a six pack an Olympic athlete would be jealous of, and a deep, oh so lickable 'v' that disappeared into his boxer briefs. His long legs were stretched out on the bed, crossed at the ankle. He was without question the most beautiful man I had ever seen.

Slowly, I pulled back the corner of the covers and slid into the bed so that I lay on my back. We stayed silent, only inches apart and yet not touching. I lightly closed my eyes. I could feel him next to me and it was reassuring. I liked being close to him, I felt safe. Most wonderful of all, he was still a completely blank spot in my mind.

"Are you with anyone?" I blurted out suddenly. It was one of those random thoughts, the kind that suddenly springs up on you out of nowhere. Now that I had voiced the question, I did want to know the answer. We had kissed, we had shared a bed once and we were again now. I had no thoughts of us getting back together, I even snorted in my mind about that idea. Yet still, I felt myself needing to know. If he was with someone, I definitely shouldn't have been in the bed.

After a second of silence had passed, I opened my eyes and turned my head to face him. He was mirroring my position, except he had one blond eyebrow raised.

"No." It was a simple answer and it was enough for me. It didn't really change anything, except I didn't feel guilty for lying in bed next to him. I didn't dare delve any deeper. My mind seemed fragile enough without opening up that can of worms.

"Why have you forgiven me? Why are you being so sweet?"

"Look at me." I had closed my eyes again. For some reason, it was easier to ask the awkward question this way. I did as he wanted. "You need my help." He replied simply, as though it answered the question. It really didn't. "I have not forgiven you, I still need explanations. The only way I am going to get those explanations is to help you." He was telling the truth and it hurt. Did I expect him to tell me he still loved me, and that was why he was being so sweet while helping me? No. Definitely not. That was a rather laughable thought. Did I want him to say he was still in love with me as the reason? Of course I did, I was still in love with him. Despite how much it hurt to hear the honesty, I needed to hear it. I also knew, thanks to being able to see his eyes while he spoke, he didn't want to hurt me. He wanted to tell me the truth. "I would not be here, if I did not want to be." It was that utterance that gave me hope.

I didn't know what to say in reply. Thank-you didn't seem quite right. Okay, really it was pathetic. Instead, I went with something I had said earlier and had a feeling I would be saying a lot. "I'm sorry. More than you can comprehend."

"I know." It was the same reply he had given me earlier as well. "Come here." I didn't get a chance to respond. Instead, Eric slipped under the covers with me in a motion so fast and graceful, I didn't even follow it with my improved senses. One moment he was inches away from me on top of the covers, the next he was flush against me. His hand instantly went to my waist and pulled me even closer. I rolled onto my side, and knowing what he wanted, I snuggled into his chest. I had to admit, I wanted it too.

His scent enveloped me. I buried my nose into his neck and breathed in deeply. His scent was almost intoxicating, especially with my new powers. I was still 'new' enough that some things still overwhelmed me. Eric's scent had always smelled like home and safety to me, and it still did. It was just now, I could pick out the individual parts that made up _him. _I sighed in contentment and snuggled in deeper. While I was wanted, I couldn't turn away from this.

My internal clock was still telling me there was some time before dawn. We had gone to bed early. I was still, somehow, exhausted. Even after sleeping in and taking a nap, my body ached from exhaustion.

Eric began to plant soft kisses on the top of my head and forehead. Anywhere he could reach while I nuzzled into his neck. Inside, my body began to scream with panic. I was so used to avoiding contact with everyone that it was difficult to switch it off. My body tensed.

"Relax," Eric whispered into my ear. He was so close I could feel his lips moving. I tried to do as he asked.

_Relax, it won't change anything. Relax, it won't change anything. _I kept repeating in my head. I had to trust Eric in one more thing. I had to believe. I wouldn't be able to see into his mind. He wouldn't let me.

I relaxed further and let his wandering hand roll me away slightly. As soon as my face wasn't buried into the side of his neck, his lips found mine, capturing me in a sweet, almost chaste, kiss. I brought my hands up, to frame his face. The stubble on his chin tickled my palms. His hand wandered up my side from my hip to arm and back, gently kneading as he went.

"Sookie," he whispered. He paused so that he could gaze into my eyes, searching for something. His long hair fell forward, curtaining around us. All I could see was his eyes. It was me that closed the distance between us and kissed him. You always had to face your fears; nothing good ever came from running.

I was pushed back onto the mattress, Eric's torso above me. His hands toyed along the hem of my shirt, fingertips just brushing my bare skin. Goose bumps broke out where ever he touched. I hadn't even known I was still capable of that reaction. His mouth left mine, to kiss along my jaw. I sighed again. I refused to let myself think, instead I concentrated on every sensation.

His lips began to ghost down my neck, tracing the line of the vessels that run just underneath the skin. I felt the hard press of his fangs behind his soft lips and shuddered. I trusted him, I didn't need to turn away in fear. I could feel his stubble on my soft skin, in direct juxtaposition to his delicate kisses. I felt, rather than heard, the deep moan that rumbled through his chest. His torso was pressed against mine. His kissed moved further down, until he got to the point where my neck met my shoulder and the beginnings of my scar.

I tried not to tense, but of course I did. If Eric noticed, he didn't say anything. One hand gripped my hip tightly, pushing me further down into the mattress. It was just a harsh enough movement to move my focus. The next thing I knew, his kisses were being planted all over my scar. The sensation was strange, tickling and almost painful all in one. I couldn't feel him as clearly through the damaged skin, but I could feel the feather light pressure. One of his hands pulled the shirt collar to the side, exposing as much of the scar as was possible. Swiftly, his tongue flicked out to lick along my skin and then his cool breath swept over the area. A shiver ran down my spine and my fangs ran down.

It was at that moment, when I was beginning to melt under his touch that he shifted. His hips moved forward, rolling until he rested against me fully. My eyes snapped open at the hardness pressed against my hip. The panic that I had managed to push aside and overcome, raised its ugly head.

"Shhh," he whispered. He stopped his kisses to run his cheek over the scar. It was strange. The harsh brush of his stubble didn't feel harsh. It was like nothing I had ever felt before. The damaged nerves perceived it as something almost soft, the only indication it wasn't was the pressure. In a weird way, it felt like silk running along smooth skin. I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding.

"Eric," I practically whimpered. Although the panic had been dampened, it hadn't disappeared. He stole my words away when his next kiss landed on my neck. He gently sucked and my eyes rolled back. It had been so long. "I," I started again but couldn't find the words. I needed to explain but I didn't want to reject him. "Wait." I blurted out, louder than my previous words had been. He pulled back slightly, enough to be able to see my eyes. A deep frown contorted his features. "I, uh," I stumbled. His eyes had taken on a darker edge to them and were heavy lidded. It was evident he was enjoying himself too. "I can't, not yet." I explained fully, hoping that he wouldn't take my words as a true rejection. No matter how much I enjoyed what was happening, I couldn't continue. I wasn't ready and I didn't yet have enough faith.

"Okay." He replied simply and then went straight back to kissing my chest. He pulled the collar of my shirt down this time, and kissed lower.

"What are you doing?" I replied. Even I could see the contrast between my words and his words and actions.

"Kissing you." I could hear the humour in his words. "I want to kiss you." My mind went reeling. Was he trying to convince me by continuing his ministrations? I couldn't quite believe that he was just going to ignore me and continue regardless. Forcing a woman just wasn't his style, but the evidence was there. He had admitted not long ago, that he hadn't forgiven me. Why was he kissing me anyway?

"Eric?" I tried again, becoming more uncomfortable. I placed a hand beneath his chin and brought his head up again.

"Sookie," he sighed out, in what sounded like exasperation. He kissed me chastely on the lips. "I want to kiss you. I know you like it." He actually sniffed the air and I would have been embarrassed if I couldn't smell the pheromones rolling off of him too. "Let me kiss you. That is all I want do." I didn't believe him, since I had the evidence pressed up against my hip. I squirmed, bringing his attention back down to his pelvis and then raised my eyebrows in question. He actually chuckled a little. "You have my word." I did relax at that. Eric was honourable, and a man of his word.

He didn't bother waiting to see if I had any further questions. His lips found mine. He pulled my bottom lip between his teeth, careful not to pierce the skin with his fangs. I couldn't help my moan. He brought one hand up to tangle in my still damp hair.

As the sun began to rise, I could feel its power draining away my already low energy. Our kisses became slower and our hands stopped wandering, until we were simply lying snuggled up together. I had one of Eric's long legs thrown over mine and an arm around my waist and shoulders. Even if I had wanted to move, I wouldn't be able to. I was perfectly cocooned in my vampire. The sheets were drawn up high, even though we didn't need them for warmth. It was just a nice feeling to be wrapped up. I felt like nothing could hurt me.

"Eric," I mumbled. I was struggling to find the energy to talk. The morning had already begun to claim my mind. "Thank-you," I whispered and then placed one more kiss on his lips.

Sleep disappeared slowly from my mind the next night. I was wonderfully comfortable and for once I wasn't alone. I could hear Eric's deep voice talking quietly to someone. I didn't bother listening to what he was saying, instead I snuggled down further and just appreciated the rhythmic tones of his voice. I could tell we had shifted positions, probably because Eric had been awake for an hour or so while I was still held in the sun's grasp.

At some point I'd changed positions so that I was using Eric as my personal body pillow. I had an arm wrapped tightly around his waist and a leg thrown over his. He really didn't seem to mind if his relaxed posture was any indication. I shuffled slightly, stretching out before returning to my position. I could see the light dusting of blond hair on his chest. I ran my hand over his well defined pecs, taking joy out of the play of muscles underneath my fingertips. Lightly, I dragged my nails down, gently scratching along his sternum. I heard him sigh quietly. His arm that had been draped around my shoulders squeezed me for an instant before he began twirling my hair around his fingers.

"Fuck!" The harshness of his voice was what garnered my attention. I opened my eyes and gazed up at him. I was still sleepy enough not to be panicking. Eric had his phone pinned to his ear with one hand, with the other he was pinching the bridge of his nose. After a few seconds he let go and went back to twirling my hair around his fingers. There was the distinct tone of a female voice on the other end of the phone. "No. I am not going to bend to your every whim, I never have done so, and I am not about to start!" I frowned as I stared up at him. This clearly wasn't his average phone call to Pam.

His face was contorted into a deep frown and his eyes had taken on a darker edge. There was a hint of ice in the blue depths. Tension was evident in the rigid set of his shoulders. He avoided my eyes, refusing to make contact. I could make out the shrill voice of a young woman spitting with rage. Eric simply listened for a minute.

"I demand to have an audience."

_Shit. Shit. Fuck. Shit. _Expletives ran through my head at those words. Now that my brain had caught up and was wide awake, I recognised the shrill voice. He was talking to Sophie-Anne. He wanted to see her, for some God forsaken reason. I didn't know how I hadn't recognised her voice before, probably because I was doing my best to avoid her and hadn't actually had anything to do with her in a couple of years.

"And why, Viking, do you need to see me at such short notice so suddenly?" I could imagine her stomping around her bedroom suite in stupid high heeled slippers. A silk robe would be wrapped around her tiny figure. I tried to roll away from Eric. I needed to move. I didn't exactly need to _run_ yet, but I needed to move. My legs were itching with the need to pace or do something that would let me move around. Eric's arm clamped down around my shoulders, keeping me exactly where I was.

"I need to speak to you in person. I have matters to discuss that should not be dealt with over the phone." If I focused on other details the panic would hopefully subside. I started breathing, in through my nose and out through my mouth, for the count of five each. My heart was already thundering through my chest.

"You're speaking to me now, say what you need to say."

"As I have already stated, some things need to be told in person, not over a phone." Eric was remaining calm, on the outside. Pressed up so close along his body I could feel the anger that was beginning to build within him. It was almost a jittery energy, something thrumming through his muscles. I heard the Queen gasp.

"Do you know where the telepath is?" My eyes bugged. The Queen really was intent on hunting me down. My breath caught and my heart really did skip a couple of beats as I waited for Eric's response. I had to have faith.

"No." The breath I had been holding escaped in one long sigh. Eric rubbed circles on my back, reassuring me. "I have not seen her, or heard from her, before you ask." I had to bite my lip to stop myself from speaking. "Why do you ask?" Eric smirked at me. I didn't know why he was blatantly lying to the Queen. I knew he didn't respect her, at all, and that if he had so desired he could have taken her position and become King of Louisiana. However, and luckily for the Queen, he didn't want to be King. He was quite content to be a Sherriff, living his life how he wanted with comparatively little responsibility. I had a feeling the Queen knew how lucky she was that Eric hadn't set his sights on the monarchy. Although, I doubt she knew quite how powerful he really was.

"I want to speak to the little bitch, there is an important matter I need to discuss with her." I could feel her hatred for me, even over the phone.

"I thought she worked for Bill? You never had any direct dealings with her." I finally realised he was trying to get information out of her, gauge how much she knew.

"She did. Things change. Now, I need to speak with her." So she did know Bill was dead and that I was the one responsible._ Well, shit._ At least I knew Eric was still firmly on my side.

"As I need to speak to you. Two this night. I will see you at your apartments." With that Eric hung up the phone, leaving a squawking Sophie-Anne still yelling down the phone something about respect and no right.

"What was that all about?" I asked with some trepidation. Eric seemed to have relapsed back into completely relaxed now that he was off of the phone. He moved so that he wasn't sitting up as high and so he could kiss my forehead. He swept my hair back from my face. I stared up at him, mouth slightly open to show that my fangs were down. It wasn't really a threat, more the insinuation that I needed an answer. Instead, he chuckled. He grinned while staring at my fangs.

Perhaps there was even more to this than I had thought. He had wanted me to become a vampire. He had first brought it up about a year before I left. We were living together by that point, although I still spent some nights back at the farm house, just to spend time with Gran. My heart ached at the thought of Gran. Most of the time, I didn't let myself think about her, as those thoughts always started a downward spiral.

"Eric," I stated, bringing his attention back to me properly. "My eyes are up here." Even I had to snort at that phrase. I'd never had to use it in that context before.

"I know. You really are dangerous are not you?" He asked, with almost wonder in his voice. "For people that are against you and yours, you are dangerous." He grinned again for a second before he became serious.

"What was the call about?" I asked again. I had the horrible feeling I knew exactly what he had been arranging, but I needed to hear the exact words from him.

"I have a plan." He paused, for what felt like just dramatic effect. "We are going to go see the Queen."

**Thanks to everyone for the amazing response I've had for this story so far, it's really been helping to keep my going through some stressful rotations! Special thanks to the guest reviewers who I can't respond to personally. **

**A massive thank you to my wonderful beta whodat2010, she has to cope with my tired ramblings. She does an awesome job. **

**So last week I mentioned that I was going on a trip at Easter to India as part of Mission Rabies (you can google it). I'm still fundraising! You can find the link to my page just below (I hope). I fly out in 1 week! Time has gone so fast. For parting with your cash for this very worthy cause I will be writing a short story that will only be available to those who helped. Obviously, just send me an email and then I can send it to you. The other part is that I haven't made it public knowledge to everyone that I write ff as well as my completely original stories so please don't shout it out. But, you will get your reward! PM if you have any queries or want to know more about the project etc. **

**just giving dot com / Natalie - Ratcliffe**

**I'll try and get another chapter out before I leave. See you next time :)**


	4. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own, the Southern Vampire Mysteries belong to Charlaine Harris**

An hour later I was beyond nervous and panicked, I was heading straight for psychotic. Eric had managed to get me to agree to the plan, which he refused to tell me. Apparently, it was easier this way. I felt like I was putting my life on the line by trusting him. I was literally walking right into the monster's lair, because he had some form of a plan. I was stupid and reckless. When Eric had grabbed a quick shower, I had contemplated running. I even made it as far as to go down stairs. It was only when I was in the kitchen, staring at the keys that rested on the countertop that I stopped myself. I couldn't run away again, I couldn't leave him. If I went this time, I really would have to go for good, and I don't think I would survive for that long.

"Tell me again," I demanded. I was sitting in the passenger seat of the truck. Having done laundry yesterday, I was wearing my hoodie with the hood pulled up. I felt ridiculous, but I also couldn't resist the overwhelming urge to hide. I was trembling with anxiety while Eric lounged in the driver's seat. We had already passed into the city limits and were heading down town, near to where the Queen kept her private apartments.

"Sookie, relax and trust me. We walk in there and demand to see the Queen. She cannot reject my demand; I would cause too big of a scene otherwise and I am not above throwing my power around in this instance. Turning up earlier than expected will throw her off balance, giving us the upper hand. I will state that you are under my protection, thus buying you some time. I have this covered. Trust me." He shrugged his shoulders as if to say 'that's all'.

I had to admit it was simple, but there was a lot that could go wrong. What if we were spotted before we could get to the Queen? As the Queen was technically more powerful in hierarchy terms, she could also decide to just not accept his word. I was walking into the lair and all I had for protection was a Viking. Saying it like that, actually made it seem a little better. It could have been a hell of a lot worse.

"I'm terrified," I admitted as the car crawled in the late night traffic toward a side street that Eric said we would be able to park on. I had bats in my stomach, flying around and needing to escape. I chugged the bottle of blood I'd brought with me. I couldn't participate in Dutch courage anymore, but I still liked the idea.

"Trust me." Two little words that had so much meaning. I really did trust him, more than anyone else in the world, which was why I had actually gotten into the car. If anyone else had come up with this crazy plan I would have laughed in their face and then run in the opposite direction. I nodded my head.

_Deep breaths, Sook. _I told myself.

"We are here," Eric stated. He indicated and then pulled off down a narrow side street. There was no one else around, vampire or otherwise, but I could feel the oppressive blankness of a lot of vampires gathered close by. He pulled the truck to a stop in the depths of the side street where the car was covered from view by shadows. Anyone peering down from the main street wouldn't be able to see the truck. The keys were left in the ignition. I almost asked if he was crazy and then thought better of it. Few humans would stray into this neighbourhood if they knew the vampires inhabited the local buildings, so leaving the truck ready to go would make for a faster get away, just in case.

I hopped down from the truck and joined Eric, who was already striding down the small street. I had no idea where we were heading. The couple of other times I'd been here, I'd always used the main entrance. I didn't even know there_ was _a back way in. The street stunk of vermin and trash, probably another ploy by the vampires to keep the humans away. We finally reached the end of the brick buildings that had been making up the sides of the street and found ourselves in a courtyard of sorts.

The buildings opened up to reveal a square patch of cobbles that backed onto the building that I recognised as the Queen's, just by the architecture. It also helped that I could feel the vampires on the opposite side of the wall. There was no one around outside, not even a guard, which made sense since I couldn't see a door.

"What are we doing?" I asked as Eric continued to walk forward with determination. Unless he was going to pull some Harry Potter magic, I couldn't see where he was going.

"Can you fly?" He asked as though it was the most mundane question in the world. I stared at him blankly for a second. Surely that would have been something I would have mentioned.

"No." I replied, unable to keep my face clear of my worry. I had been so anxious in the car that I had macerated my lip, nibbling with my fangs. Thankfully, it had healed but my fangs still wouldn't retract.

"Hold on tight then," he grinned at me as he wrapped one arm around my waist. The next instant the ground gave away beneath my feet. I had to fight to keep my squeak of surprise from breaking free. I clutched Eric tightly, even though it wouldn't hurt me too badly to fall, it was instinct. He moved forward at the pace he had been walking yet rose through the air until he was level with a fourth storey French window. As though he did this every day, he calmly stretched out a hand and pulled open one of the doors. They weren't locked. After this, I'm sure Sophie Anne was going to upgrade her basic security. Not every big bad vampire was going to come through the front door. "After you." Eric levelled us with the floor and let me step forward first since we couldn't fit through the door together. The solid wooden panels under my feet felt wonderful.

We were in a long corridor with several doors leading off on both sides. Every door was closed. No one was coming to investigate anything. So far, we were undetected. Eric held out his large hand for me to take, and I did so. He led me right down the corridor. We had barely gone five paces when I felt movement. I tugged on Eric's hand to let him know.

"Third door on the right," I whispered. Eric only nodded and continued. The door I had indicated opened just about as we were passed.

"Oh, hey, Eric. Didn't know you were coming over tonight," a happy voice called out behind us. Eric paused and turned around to face us. "How've you been?" The vampire was a bubbly brunette who appeared to be about twenty. She felt young as well, maybe a couple of years older than me in vampire terms. She was pretty and her eyes sparkled while she gazed at Eric.

"Hello, Carla," Eric replied in the tone he usually only used for schmoozing clients at the bar. "Looking delectable as always." He could have left out the compliment. We needed to get moving. The longer we were here, the greater the chance we would be discovered by someone who actually had more than one brain cell. I shuffled from foot to foot. "I have a meeting with Sophie-Anne." He completely skipped over her questions.

"Oh, she's still in her room at the minute." She supplied helpfully. "Who's your friend?" I couldn't help but notice the annoyance in her voice. She didn't stand a chance where Eric was concerned, not that he was giving her any indications about that. I had to suppress a laugh that we were walking blatantly into the vampire Queen's nest, and the first person didn't even recognise their most wanted person.

"She is just a very old, very good friend. I am introducing her to the Queen. She has just moved back to the area." None of that was actually a lie and I had to smile. Carla's eyes strayed down to where our hands were still joined. "Now, we must be going. You are most welcome at Fangtasia anytime. Have a good night." He sent her a knee weakening smile, complete with fangs and then turned. I was half a second behind him as he continued down the corridor. When I glanced up at his face, I saw the amused smirk on his face.

"Next on the left," I mumbled suddenly, surprising even myself. I couldn't read any of the vampires in the building at the minute. Yet, somehow, I knew exactly which blank spot was the Queen. Eric whipped his head around to stare at me. I shook my head, answering his unspoken question. I really didn't know how I knew. We were standing outside the door then.

"Ready?" His hand was already on the doorknob.

"No," I replied. I would never be ready to go through that door, but that didn't mean I wouldn't walk through it. Eric grinned, it was as if he was looking forward to the chaos that I just knew was about to unfold.

Eric turned the doorknob and pushed open the door. Security seemed really lax around here. We filed through the door which lead into a small chamber, almost like a reception room. One vampire was sitting behind a small desk, her blond head bent over a magazine. When she heard us, her head snapped up and her mouth popped open in surprise.

"You can't be in here," she started, staring at Eric as he continued to move forward. "Stop right there!" she screamed as he drew level with her. He sent her a bored glance, daring her to try and stop him. Still holding his hand, I trailed at his side, half a step behind. "Oh my God," she added as she got her first glimpse of my face, still hiding beneath my hood. At least this one recognised me. It didn't make any difference, by the time that recognition dawned, we had reached the next door which lead in the Queen's private rooms.

Eric again turned the doorknob, but this one didn't just open. We had found our first lock. He relaxed his grip and then in one smooth movement, sharply twisted the handle and jammed his shoulder against the wooden door. The lock snapped and the door flew open to reveal a living room. Sophie Anne was sprawled on a chaise longue, a human lying across her lap while she drank from his wrist. Her eyes widened as we walked in, followed closely by the vampire receptionist. The Queen dropped her meal's wrist and shoved the slender man from her lap. He landed on the floor with a shocked grunt.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" she asked, her eyes smouldering.

"They came right on through, there was nothing I could do against him," the receptionist said before we could respond. No one cared what she had to say.

"I told you I wanted to see you," Eric shrugged as he stepped forward. The Queen looked tiny in his shadow; the top of her head wouldn't even reach his shoulders. "You, get out," he spat at the receptionist, "and take him with you." He waved in the general direction of the poor human caught up in the middle of all this. He was only just getting, unsteadily, to his feet. The receptionist quickly moved forward to grab his arm and drag him from the room.

"Eric Northman," the Queen raged. Her perfectly manicured hands were flying through the air as she gestured. "You have no right to barge in here and tell _my_ staff what to do." Sophie Anne's eyes finally landed on me, taking me in, rather than focusing on Eric. She turned, flaming eyes boring into mine. She didn't say anything to me. She snarled, showing off all of her teeth with a deep growl. She launched at me, hands outstretched and an enraged scream starting in her throat.

I bent my knees slightly and squared my position, bringing my arms up in front of me, ready to take the impact. I would not go down without a fight. The Queen never got to me. Eric grabbed her around the shoulders and used her momentum to spin her around. He flung her across the room her feet several inches off the ground. She skidded to a halt on the wooden floor, her pantyhose giving her no purchase. She straightened up, a feral expression on her face.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" she yelled. Her voice was lower, fiercer, than I had ever heard it.

"She is under my protection." I didn't relax my stance. I made sure that Eric was always between me and the Queen. I had learned a lot of self defence, but I would be no match for someone of the Queen's age.

"How?" The Queen raised one elegantly shaped eyebrow as she glared. "She's not human anymore and she's not of your line." She took far too much glee in saying that second part. She knew exactly what Eric had wanted those years ago. She was a conniving little bitch. "She wasn't even yours for years before she was turned." It was my turn to growl. Most of that hadn't been any of my choice.

"Maybe so, however, that does not change the current circumstances." I had no idea what Eric was talking about. I had the sinking feeling I was about to find out why he hadn't quite told me what his plan entailed.

"Go on." She began to walk to her right, circling around the chaise lounge and the bureau behind it. Eric moved with her, graceful as a leopard and even more dangerous. I kept in step behind him. There was no way I was putting myself closer to the Queen. "And do not think that I haven't realised you lied, Eric."

"Yes," he replied matter of factly, not at all repentant. "Sookie is under my protection, I came to declare our marriage." My eyes bugged out as I snapped my focus to Eric. I could see his expression. The only thing I could hear was the blood pounding in my ears. The Queen was just as shocked as I was.

"What? How can you be married?" Shock didn't even begin to describe what I was feeling. I had no way of finding out what was really happening. Saying anything would prove to the Queen that it wasn't true. I tried desperately to keep control of my face.

Eric shrugged his broad shoulders, as though the how was a minor detail. "She came back to me. It had been our plan before, and it remained our plan now. Why waste time?" My mind was reeling. Eric lounged against the wall, the epitome of relaxed. However, he was still keeping himself between me and the Queen.

Sophie-Anne stood up straighter and pushed back her deep red hair. She fixed the front of her short robe and turned to face me again. "There is one thing I can definitely say, you make life entertaining." Her grin was evil, almost enough to make me squirm. "Watching you two is like a soap opera. First you love each other, then _you _call things off, and go running. Yet it's all one big regret." Eric's eyes darted to me although nothing else moved. There was a question in his gaze that I couldn't answer here. "You mope for years." I couldn't tell which one of us she was talking to. Had Eric moped? "Then you finally find yourselves back together in times of adversity and end up _married."_ She let the word drip off her tongue like it tasted disgusting. With that, she had had enough of me and turned back to Eric. "What will come next? Divorce, the pitter patter of turned children or, my favourite, homicide? But, oh wait, that's already happened. She may be under your protection now, but she wasn't when the crime was committed" she paused to stare at me. I got the distinct impression that there wasn't much she wouldn't give to be able to lay her hands on me. "But she still killed on of our own and she needs to be punished." If I'd had blood flow the colour would have drained from my cheeks. The sadistic punishments the Queen concocted were notorious in our state.

"Are you really going to punish her for something done in self defence, in the heat of the moment?" I realised then at Eric's question, that he had no idea how I had come to killing my maker. It was in self defence, for my sanity, rather than my physical safety. However, it had not been in the heat of the moment. I had planned it for months before I had actually been able to go through with it. It probably wasn't the best time to be forthcoming with that piece of information. "She is also under _my _protection. Even something you do in so called justice would not be looked upon favourably. I would seek vengeance tenfold." The Queen seemed to visibly settle down as though contemplating Eric's words carefully. "Besides, Sookie still possesses her telepathy. Think of what an asset she could be for you. Working, of course, in partnership with me."

"Fine," the Queen spat. "Given her unusual talents she will forego punishment for the death of Bill Compton, and work for me." Not once did she speak to me. If she acknowledged me at all it was to snarl. This wasn't the usual sophisticated monarch I was used to dealing with. Eric had succeeded in getting under her skin to get his own way. Of course, it was bullying, but in this instance I really couldn't find it within myself to care.

"With my permission." The Queen flashed her fangs. Eric growled, a deep sound that reverberated off the walls. "Do not try. Mine are bigger." He flashed his own fangs, complete with a warning hiss. "Although working for you, Sookie shall remain with me," Eric said evenly. I fought to remain quiet. I had spent far too long being someone's possession. I wasn't about to let it happen again. I had to remember that Eric was saving my skin, by putting his own life on the line. This I could live with. "Work should be arranged well in advance through me, unless an emergency situation dictates otherwise, and then it shall be at my discretion." He paused, waiting for a response. The Queen stood silently. I could practically hear the cogs turning in her mind as she contemplated. Would she take vengeance for Bill and cope with an enraged vampire twice her age, or deal, letting everyone live?

I stepped forward, beside Eric, taking his hand once more. His thumb drew small circles on my wrist, where my pulse point should have been. The atmosphere was tense as we waited.

"Fine," she finally said begrudgingly. I let out a silent breath of release.

"Good." Eric surprised me then by turning and placing a fervent kiss on my lips. I was so shocked I could barely respond before he was pulling away. It seemed I wasn't the only one relieved by the outcome of his plan. "I shall have the contract drawn up and delivered to you. Now, one more thing. I plan on returning to Fangtasia. It would be greatly appreciated if you would refrain from sending any more vampire squads." Neither of us was prepared for what came next.

"I didn't send any vampire squads. I don't have a clue what you're talking about?" She tapped her little foot, annoyed that we would dare to question her.

"Then how do you explain the raid that occurred just minutes after I arrived at Fangtasia?"

"I don't know," she replied. Her expression was one of butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. Too innocent.

"So we are supposed to believe it was all one big coincidence?" I was feeling very bold with my Viking vampire security blanket standing next to me.

"Of course not," she retorted with a huff. It was only after she'd finished speaking that she realised her mistake.

"Cut the bull shit Sophie-Anne," Eric warned. He ran a hand through his long hair. The Queen's hair had fallen out of its elegant up-do. You could now see the bobby pins and dark, soft curls, were falling down around her face. If anything, it actually made her look young, as though she was a child attempting to play dress up.

"I sent a vampire squad, but by the time they arrived there was already a team there." One name immediately jumped through my mind; _Lorena._ I had no idea how she could be behind this. As far as I knew she didn't have that sort of power, but she was crazy enough to be able to pull it off. Unless, I had some unknown vampire after me, she was the only other vampire that wanted me dead.

"How did you know Sookie had returned to me?" Eric was suspicious and rightly so. No matter what the Queen said, the security at Fangtasia would be increased for awhile.

"I had a vampire watching out for her return. If I promise not to send anyone else after you, will you please, just get the fuck out? I have had enough. You may not respect me, but I am still your Queen." She was huffing, her arms flapping around her in exasperation. She wasn't used to not getting her own way and not having everyone fawn over her.

"That is enough for now. We shall be in touch." Eric actually bowed. He bent almost double and one arm went forward, his arm making a swirling pattern with his fingers out stretched. I simply nodded my head and then followed Eric from the room.

It was unnerving putting my back to the enemy. My neck itched until we were out of the door and back into the corridor. We walked quickly through the mansion, this time using the more acceptable methods of exiting the building. We didn't stop for anyone, even when Carla called out to Eric when we reached the main reception hall. Eric brought out joined hands up to his lips and kissed my hand as soon as we were clear of the building. We didn't slow down until we were back in the car.

"What the _hell_ was that?" I rounded on Eric as soon as the car was moving. The traffic had cleared considerably in the hour that we'd been inside. We were already nearing the highway. Eric threw his head back and laughed. "Now, don't think I'm not grateful for everything you did back there, because I am. But, seriously? What the hell did you think you were doing?" I hadn't even begun to comprehend that I was now somewhat safe. There was still the small matter of what was probably Lorena, but the Queen had been disarmed. For now, I was going to focus on the small matter of my marriage. "This is not a laughing matter!" I slapped his arm in frustration as he continued to laugh. I actually had enough strength within me now to make it sting.

"Sorry," he replied with a smirk. He really wasn't apologetic in the slightest. "I could not resist." At the sight of my fuming face he continued with his explanation. "It was the only way I could think of offering you protection that the Queen would understand. You are safe now, I thought that was what you wanted?" He quirked an eyebrow, taking both eyes off the road.

"Eyes on the road." I huffed. He may have lightening fast reflexes but I preferred not having to rely on them. It was also easier to stay mad at him if he wasn't looking at me. "So, we're married now?"I settled back into the seat, losing my will to fight. I shouldn't be fighting with him, he had done so much for me. He didn't deserve this.

"Of course not. You have been to vampire weddings." It was true, I had accompanied Eric as his date several years ago to a marriage between a King and Queen of two states. They had joined in union to join their states together. We had been acting as the representatives from Louisiana. "We would require an official to preside over the proceedings."

"But then why did you say it?" My head was spinning with everything that had just happened. I still couldn't quite believe that I was still walking the Earth. There had been, what I felt, a significant risk that we weren't going to come out of there alive, or at least without a massive fight.

"What Sophie-Anne does not know will not hurt her. She will likely find out in time. However, we shall cross that bridge when we come to it. For now, I have bought us some time. I am surprised that you are not more fixated on having to work for the Queen again." Eric settled back as the car cruised. We were heading north.

"I'll get to that in a minute. I was more concerned over the fact that I got married!" I let out a snort of laughter. There was a time when I was fairly sure I would marry Eric, under very different circumstances. "Thank-you," I added, sobering up. The situation was just so preposterous that I couldn't help but laugh. "Really, for everything. I know I've been saying it a lot, but I'm not sure how to convey how much this all means to me. I still can't quite believe you're here at all." I grabbed his hand, bringing it over to rest in my lap and squeezed it tightly.

"Neither can I sometimes." I didn't know how to respond to that little insight, so I chose to ignore it.

"So, I'm working for the Queen again? As though I haven't been doing enough of that in the past few years." It was a tossup between myself, Bill and the Queen as to who was most at fault for this mess we found ourselves in.

"Yes, but I should not worry about it. Right now, we have other problems. If the Queen did not send the raid to Fangtasia, who did? I will not be allowing the Queen to use you in such a way again." The last part was said with bitterness dripping from every word. It seemed I wasn't the only one that despised the Queen.

"I think it was Lorena; it must have been. No one else is after me and I'm assuming Fangtasia doesn't usually get raided." I didn't even bother phrasing that as a question. With the decreased tension between vampires and humans, and the strict policies that Eric upheld at Fangtasia, there would be no need for the police to raid.

"Oddly enough, there has not been a raid at Fangtasia since the night you first came to see me at the bar. There is one thing of which I am sure, Sookie, and that is that life is never boring with you around." He had a broad grin plastered across his handsome face. All I could think about was having the quiet life again; being able to snuggle up in front of a fire with a good book without worrying who was going to break down my door next.

"Sorry," I replied with a lopsided smile. Perhaps the excitement was part of the reason he was here. "In summary, we're not married and I'm not going to be working for the Queen in the immediate future?" This seemed like too good of a deal to be true.

"Correct. The Queen may try to get you to work, you are one of her strongest assets and always have been, but she also dare not cross me right now. I do not think it would be wise for you to work for the Queen yet."

"So, are we actually heading back to Fangtasia?" The last time I had run away from that place, I had been sure it would have been the last time I would ever see it. It was so strange how drastically everything could change in a couple of days.

"Yes. Lorena may have been behind the raid, however we do not know how she managed to pull it off. Shreveport, and Fangtasia, is likely no more dangerous than anywhere else right now." He had a good point. If Lorena had somehow managed to call the police raid, they would not be as willing to raid a popular bar that brought a lot of money in taxes to the city, if they hadn't found anything previously. "Relax, Sookie, you only have one crazy vampire after you now." He actually managed to hold his laugh in for a full second before it escaped. I could only shake my head at him in exasperation. He was definitely in a good mood after his confrontation with the Queen.

Despite Eric joking about the matter, I did manage to relax on the rest of our journey north. I kept Eric's hand in mine. It was comforting to have someone so close who meant so much to me. Thoughts of my family tried invading several times. Every time I pushed them back. I had no idea how they were doing and I didn't really have any way of finding out except to call. There was no telling how well that phone call would go.

"We are here," Eric told me softly, pulling me out of my thoughts. I had been remembering happy times of being with Eric. The dates we had been on and the countless nights just spent in companionable silence, each doing our own thing. It hadn't been unusual for me to spend my free evenings at Fangtasia writing on the sofa while Eric sorted through paperwork.

As we drove into the Fangtasia parking lot, we both looked around. The place was deserted. There wasn't another car in the lot and even the neon sign for the bar was switched off. "Where is everyone?" I finally let go of Eric's hand with one final squeeze. I hopped from the truck and followed behind Eric as he made his way to the staff entrance.

"It is Monday night and not all of the repairs have been completed. The bar should be back open on Wednesday." I nodded my head. Eric opened the door and silenced the alarm. "I wanted to assess the situation for myself."

There was the acrid stench of fresh paint in the air. It was the only sign in the corridor that anything was amiss. The storage room was fine, well stocked and ready for reopening. Pam's office was in its usual prim and proper state. Eric's office was the first room that held any true evidence for what had happened. It wasn't even messy, it was rather that nothing was quite in the right place. The paperwork that was usually stacked in neat piles was in one large pile in the centre of the desk which was scratched, spoiling the polished wood. There was no desk chair, no sofa and the refrigerator which kept him supplied with bottled blood was switched off. The computer monitor was cracked, as was one of the frames on the wall.

Guilt swept up in me as we continued on our way. The staff room and showers were fine, not a thing out of place. The basement, what I could see of it, was untouched as well. The main bar was the other area of chaos. This was where the choking stench of paint was coming from. The walls had all had a fresh cover of blood red emulsion. The vampire memorabilia that usually hung on the walls was stacked neatly on nearby tables. Some of the tables were missing, as well as the chairs. The main damage was the still boarded up front doors where the police had forcibly entered. Overall, it wasn't too bad, it could have been worse. I still felt terrible.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered as I stood in the centre of the dance floor, taking in everything. "I will pay for everything. Once I get some money. I still have my human bank accounts once I convince someone to give me access. I'm actually pretty good at the whole mind control thing. It should be fine, although I hope I don't have to use it." I was rambling and I knew it. Eric stopped me with a finger over my lips.

"I will not accept your money. I have more than enough to cover this. It will act as our refurbishment for the year." I had a feeling he was just saying that to placate me. However, I also had enough experience with him to know that arguing would be pointless. "I did not ask earlier," he continued, changing the subject smoothly. "Could you read the Queen?" He seemed genuinely interested as he began to guide me out of the bar, back toward the staff corridor.

"No." I replied slowly, taking my time so that I could phrase my answer as best as I could. "It was strange. I couldn't get a single thought, although I just _knew_ certain things. For example, Andre wasn't in the building for once. He was racing as fast as he could to get back to his Queen, but he never would have made it in time. She was scared of you. Are we not staying at Fantasia?" I knew the basement and Eric's office were both light tight and there were even coffins downstairs in case anyone needed to stay over.

"No. That is an interesting development. Still nothing from me?" We were in the parking lot again by this point.

"No. Not a damn thing," I said through my bright smile. I was beginning to have even more faith in his words from earlier. He was powerful, perhaps he really could keep me out.

"See, trust me." He grinned back, the moonlight glinting off of his fangs.

"I do." I said softly.

"Good." He started the engine, bringing the truck to life.

"Where are we staying then?" We pulled out of the parking lot, heading to the east of the city, the side closest to Bon Temps. I had to admit that my stomach flopped.

"We will check into a vampire hotel. Although I believe Shreveport to be safe, for tonight at least, we should be sure." It was a smart idea. There was a reason he had survived for a millennia. The ride to the hotel was quick and spent in silence. I was still trying to overcome my guilt for the damage done to Eric's beloved Fangtasia. It wasn't too bad, it had definitely seen worse, but this was the first time I had been responsible for anything bad happening there. If it hadn't been for me, the raid would never have taken place. "Snap out of it, Sookie." Eric warned. "If it bothered me what had happened to the bar, I would have said. If you really need to guilt trip yourself, speak to Pam about it."

I quickly pulled myself together. I didn't want to have to deal with Pam right now. I desperately wanted to see her, make sure she was okay and take the berating she would give me for disappearing. I didn't want to hear what she had to say about what happened to the bar.

"Which hotel are we staying at?" I asked as we passed our usual hotel. It had been an almost monthly thing for us to check into a hotel room and forget about the rest of the world for a few hours. We wouldn't answer our cells phones, we wouldn't check emails and we wouldn't call work. Sometimes we just chatted, others we didn't move from the bed and occasionally we just lounged around watching expensive movies and ordering room service.

"Bella Muerte," Eric replied, not quite managing to keep the grimace from his face. "Our hotel," it made me smile to see him using that phrase, "is booked and it is another precaution, not following staying where expected." It wasn't long before we were walking into the hotel lobby and waking up the poor guy on reception.

"Good evening, sir, madam." He greeted us and I grimaced internally at the greeting. Did I really look old enough to be greeted using madam? I quelled my urge to seek more information from his brain. Without even having my shields forcibly locked, I couldn't get anything from him. Certainly no actual thoughts or images. There was a general impression of being tired, but that was all. Sometimes I still couldn't quite believe how good my control over my telepathy had become.

"We have a booking placed under Erikson," Eric replied, handing the guy his card without even being asked. Check in was fast, it seemed the young man just wanted to get back to his nap. I was grateful, dawn was only around an hour away. Eric was carrying both bags. I tried telling him I was perfectly capable of carrying my own bag, but he refused to listen to me. "I do hate this place," Eric stated as we were travelling in the elevator going up to our floor. I looked at him, puzzled. "It is just," he struggled to find the exact word he wanted. "Tacky," he finally settled with, earning a small giggle from me.

He was right. Most things were gimmicked up for vampire culture, so that the hotel seemed to cater to more people who were interested in vampires, than vampires themselves. Our room was representative of this. The room was dark, and not just because the light tight blinds and shutters were closed, but due to the red, silver and black paint on the walls. There was even a few movie stills from famous vampire movies on the wall.

"It's not that bad," I stated, taking it all in. It really wasn't, if you weren't used to more upscale hotels. The room was small, fitting in little more than a double bed, but there was an en-suite and it was safe. Eric didn't bother to respond. "I'm going to go shower." I grabbed my bag from him and made my way into the bathroom.

I quickly found myself thinking about everything that had happened in the past few days, in a good way. Showers were my place to hide from the bad things and be calm. The hot water sprayed down, steaming up the room and it felt wonderful. I was lucky beyond belief. Everything seemed to be working itself out, better that I could have ever hoped. Eric was speaking to me, in fact it was even more than that. It was just the nagging question in my mind of _why _he was helping me. I really had expected him to yell, and scream and kick me out that first night I had shown up at Fangtasia. I had also survived, which I saw as a major accomplishment. Plus, there was only one insane vampire after me now. My life was definitely far from perfect, but it was better than it had been in a long time.

I quickly dressed when I began to feel the first tugs of the sun's power in my chest. It was almost like a tugging sensation, and somehow I just knew I needed to seek out darkness. I was still using Eric's clothes as pyjamas. I would need to go shopping soon, as soon as I got some money. I was still towel drying my hair, considering how I would actually gain access to my bank accounts, when I opened the bathroom door. Eric was sitting on the edge of the bed, apparently deep in thought. As soon as the door opened, he looked up and an expression that I didn't recognise danced across his face, chased quickly by a brilliant smile.

"What?" I asked, my own smile playing on my lips.

"Nothing." He replied as he stepped forward to wrap his strong arms around my waist, picking me up. He spun me around once, holding me close, before kissing me. I smiled into the kiss, feeling lighter than I had in years. I wrapped my legs around his waist since he was still holding me up. I giggled lightly when he began to place feather light kisses along the edge of my jaw.

"What's got into you?" I laughed. He was happy. He simply shrugged his shoulders in reply and continued with peppering my skin with kisses. "That tickles," I mumbled as he reached the point where my neck met my scar and the sensation changed. I rested my head against his, my arms wrapped around his shoulders.

"You are beautiful," he told me sincerely as he stared in my eyes. In that moment, I had never felt prettier. I was dressed in his old clothes that didn't fit well, my hair was a wet, bedraggled mess, and I still felt beautiful.

"Thank-you, you gorgeous man." I replied, pulling him back in for another kiss. Eric walked backward until he hit the bed. We tumbled onto the bed, bouncing with the springs which caused us both to laugh. I was still scared to let this go further, but I didn't feel like that was what Eric needed in that moment. The kisses weren't leading anywhere. We were simply enjoying the moment.

I pushed him back onto the mattress. My hand turned his face away slightly. My next kiss landed on the side of his lips. They parted slightly, his fangs digging into the plumpness of his bottom lip. I kissed along his jaw despite the harsh stubble. He needed to shave. I moved along his strong jaw and down his neck, tracing the path of the vessels which ran just underneath the skin. A happy moan emanated from his chest as I nipped slightly. I didn't dare do anymore. In this respect, my fangs were still completely new and I didn't want to risk drawing blood. He didn't seem to mind as my kisses reached the point where his collar bones met.

I straightened my legs out until I was practically just lying on top of him. His hands stayed at my waist, making sure I wasn't going anywhere. I placed one final kiss on his chest before resting my head there, still gazing up at him. He seemed perfectly content, eyes lightly closed and a half smile on his oh-so kissable lips.

"You are staring," he told me after a couple of minutes. He opened one eye to peer down at me.

"I know." I replied, not caring in that moment. He closed his eye, not really caring either. He was simply gorgeous, there was no denying it and right now, he was mine. How long I would get to 'keep' him, I had no idea, but I would take whatever I could get. I remembered having very similar thoughts, for very different reasons, just after we had first started dating all those years ago. It was hard to believe that I had first met Eric almost ten years ago. So much had changed since then. "Eric," I started, gearing myself up to ask my questions again.

"Sookie," he replied, still in his good mood. I hoped my questions wouldn't ruin it completely. I kissed his chest once more. We weren't starting where we'd left off, far from it, but we weren't strangers. I still felt close to him, closer than I should have and closer than I deserved.

"Why are you here with me like this?" I swiftly moved a hand between us, indicating our current position, but meaning so much more; the kisses, the bed sharing, oh hell, we'd been making out. I felt like I was a teenager again.

He sighed deeply before replying. His eyes were shut again. He was hiding something. "Answer me this, Sookie. Why was I there for you before?" It was a strange question.

"Because you loved me." Back then it was obvious, we were living together and deeply in love.

"Then perhaps the reason is the same." He didn't elaborate and I didn't ask any more questions. It was more than I could comprehend. Was he telling me that he still loved me? That he hadn't stopped loving me? Surely, that couldn't be correct, not after everything I'd put him through. He could have his pick of women, he should have moved on. I hadn't moved on, even if I'd had the chance, I'm not sure I would have. He had been the love of my life. You don't simply move on from things like that.

The sun raised higher, closer to the horizon. I felt its power over me getting stronger. I slid down to the mattress, beside my vampire. His arms stayed wrapped around me, refusing to let me roll away. I placed my head on his chest and listened to the absolute stillness.

I awoke the next night to an empty bed. I knew as soon as my senses were coming back to me that something was off. It was strange how quickly you could get used to something. I had no way of knowing how long he had been gone. There were a couple of pillows tucked under my arm and chin, giving me something to snuggle up to. I sat up slowly, noting that the shower wasn't running. I was just about to send out the tendrils of my telepathy when he opened the room door and walked in. I wouldn't have been able to read him, but I would have been able to recognise his blank mind. It was like every mind, whether I could read them or not, had a unique print.

"Where did you go?" I asked as I stretched and yawned. I didn't actually need to yawn, but it was again a human remnant that my body clung to after years of the habit. He handed me one of the bottles of blood he was carrying. "Thanks." As he leant over I noticed that his hair was still damp, leaving a slight patch on the back of his white t-shirt.

"The room does not come with a mini bar or room service. I went to the vending machine." He practically huffed, clearly not impressed about having to fetch his own blood. I hadn't even known there was such a thing as a blood vending machine.

"Oh," I replied, not knowing quite how to reply. He sat down on the bed, there wasn't anywhere else, and began to drink his blood. He was dressed differently tonight. Every other night he'd been in his usual Fangtasia style gear of black upon black. However, tonight he was wearing what he chose to wear if he wasn't going to be out in the bar; dark wash jeans and a soft cotton t-shirt, usually in white. If he wasn't currently barefoot, I would have guessed at soft leather boots to complete the look. He was only ever more himself at home when he lounged around in sweatpants like everyone else. You were very privileged if you ever saw him like that. I had assumed we would be heading back to Fangtasia tonight to help out, but apparently not.

"I have a surprise for you," he stated suddenly.

"Really?" I asked, perplexed as to why he would have done something like that. He'd already gone beyond my dreams.

"Yes, you should get dressed." His eyes gazed down to my chest for a second. Still puzzled I got dressed, in the bathroom. By the time I was finished, Eric had stuffed our things into our bags and discarded our empty bottles. "Ready?" I stuffed my pyjamas in one of the bags.

"Yeah. Are you going to tell me anything?" I asked as we took the elevator downstairs.

"Why would I do something like that?" His cheeky grin was back in place. We handed our key over to the receptionist. Tonight it was a fresh faced girl who couldn't have been older than eighteen. Surprisingly, she didn't give Eric the eye too badly, even when he slapped on the charm. She simply accepted our key card and wished us a good night.

"And you're not going to let me drive either?" I didn't bother waiting for the response, I simply walked over the passenger side.

"How could you drive if you do not know where you are going?" That ploy had never actually worked, but I still used it whenever anyone was trying to surprise me by going somewhere. The city traffic was light this far out and soon we were on the main roads, heading even further out of the city. I didn't question where we were going until we passed the bowling alley where we had gone for our first date.

"Do you remember that place?" I asked, changing the topic of conversation from Eric's latest collection of cars. We really needed to get to know each other properly again. Cars had seemed like a safe starting point.

"Yes," he replied, a smile playing on his lips.

"I still can't believe you took me bowling!" It had been the craziest first date I'd been on, not that I had been on many. The bowling alley had been almost empty, only one other lane had been in use. I had been struggling to knock even half of the pins down, not having much hand eye coordination. Eric, of course, with his vampire abilities and natural talent, had knocked every pin down, every single time. He'd been forced to rein his strength in considerably, but apparently it was worth it.

"You were terrible," he laughed. It was true, there was no escaping the fact, that I sucked at bowling. We had laughed about it that night as well. Eric had swaggered around, showing off and giving me unhelpful tips. My skills had only gotten worse after each drink I had consumed.

"Thanks for the support." Despite my lack of skill, the night had been fantastic fun. In the end, Eric had resorted to helping me, just so that I could get my first strike. I had jumped up and down happily when the result came up on the little screen above our lane. I had thrown my arms around his neck and kissed him.

While I had escaped into the memory we had travelled some distance and were now on country roads that I would recognise anywhere. We were on the road leading to Bon Temps, about five minutes out from the town. Instantly, I panicked. One of Eric's hands grabbed both of mine, still my nervous wringing.

"Are we going to Bon Temps?" I asked, even though it was obvious. I needed the confirmation from him. Until I knew for sure I could keep the panic in check.

"Yes." Strangely, it didn't actually cross my mind at that point to ask, where exactly, within Bon Temps we were going. My mind instantly travelled to my Gran and my brother. I hadn't heard anything about them in nearly five years, anything could have happened. I couldn't bare most of the time to think about them, and the world of hurt they must have faced. It would have been the not knowing for sure that would have hurt the most.

They, like everyone else, had known that I had gone travelling with Bill on business for the vampire Queen. They knew I had been using my gift, although back then, they had both refused to admit my telepathy out loud or give it an actual name. It had always been referred to as my 'gift'.

I couldn't even think about what my brother would be doing now. He had been a womaniser of epic proportions when I had left. Five years could change a lot. He might have even settled down and started his own family. He would probably be still working for the road crew. He had always said that he wouldn't change his job; he got to work outside, got decent pay and got to laugh with his friends while he worked.

Gran was a different matter entirely. She wasn't exactly young. Anything could have happened. That was probably the main reason I tried not to think about home too much. It would have killed me if something had happened while I was gone. I liked to think that in my heart I would have known.

Eric's hand never wavered as I began to bounce in my seat from nerves. My foot tapped the floor as my muscles ached to move. I was going back home, or at least to my home town. I was strong, I could do this. I wouldn't run. I bit down on my lip a little too hard. The sweet tang of blood hit my tongue. I loved blood, as a vampire, I craved it. Yet my own was never quite right.

We turned onto Hummingbird Lane and I knew where we must be going. If we had been going anywhere else in town it would have been faster to go another way. Eric was really taking me home. I had no idea why. This was my surprise? A surprise trip home.

By the time we turned onto my old driveway, I had a heart beat again and I was counting my breaths. Despite my determination to stay, it was a constant internal struggle to not try darting from the truck. I desperately wanted to see my family, but it seemed like too much. I had done too much damage and nothing would ever be the same again. I was already lucky beyond words to still have Eric with me. Was seeing Gran asking for too much?

The truck came to a stop on the freshly laid gravel. The outside security light was bathing the area in a warm yellow glow. The little old house looked exactly the same. Perhaps it had had a lick of paint recently, but that was it. The paint was even the exact same shade. The shutters were still drawn on the second storey which was only used for storage since Jason had moved out when he turned eighteen. The living room curtains were shut tightly. An old rocking chair was in the corner of the porch. A book was placed on its seat, forgotten about from an afternoon reading in the shade.

"You can do this." Eric's voice was soft as he spoke. I could only nod my head. I didn't have as much faith in myself. I had no idea what Gran would think of me. Gran was definitely inside, I could her mind close by, as strong as ever.

Eric finally let my hand go to get out of the car. He waited until I got out, probably making sure I wasn't going to run, until he started strolling up the house. He took the porch steps two at a time and then rapped on the front door. Instead of waiting for a response, he walked straight inside.

"What the..." I started, following him slowly.

"Hello, Adele," he hollered as he walked down the hallway toward the kitchen. I was left standing on the porch, not knowing what was happening. I couldn't get my feet to move forward, and I couldn't go back. My childhood pictures, alongside Jason's, still lined the walls. The door to my bedroom still had the stupid wooden lettering of Sookie plastered on it from when I was fifteen. I'd never had the heart to take it down. All around it were pictures of me with my friends, including Eric. I couldn't imagine why Gran hadn't taken them down. Surely, they would just be a horrible reminder?

"Oh, Eric. I wasn't expecting you for awhile yet. How are you, dear?" I heard Gran ask. She sounded exactly the same. It was a very affectionate greeting, one that she used for her friends. Had Eric seen Gran recently? It was obvious that it hadn't been years. I had no idea what was going on. The panic was leaving me as I became more sure of myself. My curiosity was piqued. I needed to find out what was going on and being so close, I desperately needed to see me beloved Gran.

"I am good," Eric replied. "I brought you a gift." He stated, I could hear the smile in his voice. There was a soft sound as Gran's hand collided with the vampire, probably his arm.

"You!" She started, searching for words. "What have I told you? You don't need to do that." She huffed out the last bit as though she had had this conversation many times before. What the hell was going on? "I know, I know. I can't really stop you." She paused for a minute. When she started again, there was a touch of excitement in her voice. "Well then, where is it?" I had to giggle at Gran's question.

"I left it on the porch." It was only then that I realised _I _was the gift. My mouth dropped open slightly. Eric had planned this entire thing, surprising not just one but two people. I took my first tentative step forward and then I panicked. I wasn't invited in. There was no way that I could get in there. Gran would have to invite me and then she would know instantly what I was. My breaths began to come in faster puffs and my heart thundered in my chest. "Lover, are you coming in?" Eric hollered. I looked up to see him standing at the end of the hallway. My wide eyes met his. He nodded his head, encouraging me. Did I not need an invite? Were his words enough?

I stepped forward again tentatively, my toes reaching the threshold of the door. I didn't feel anything. There was no unseen force stopping me. I relaxed a fraction and took another step. Nothing happened. I grinned. Being able to just step inside felt like a massive obstacle had been overcome. Without even trying I could feel the waves of confusion and tentative hope rolling off of Gran.

_You can do this, Sookie._ I repeated to myself in my head. I made it to the end of the hallway where Eric was ducking back into the kitchen. I was hidden from view for a second but I could see Gran.

She was sat at the kitchen table, a puzzle book open in front of her. Her dark grey hair was piled up on top of her head in a rough bun, the glasses she had resting in her hair making it even messier. There were a few more lines around her shining blue eyes and perhaps another laughter line or two. Otherwise she was exactly the same. Her plump frame was dressed in her usual house coat and fluffy slippers were on her feet. Best of all, she had a bemused smile on her face as she wondered at Eric's antics. This was exactly how I remembered Gran.

Eric finally moved, to take a seat at the table. Gran's eyes darted back toward the door. The instant she saw me, huddled into myself in the kitchen doorway, her eyes widened. Tears immediately sprang up, yet otherwise she remained perfectly still for a second. I had no idea what to do apart from wait. Finally, she spoke, one single word, and my heart broke.

"Sookie?"

**So there you go, the last taste of this story for a few weeks! I fly out to India on Friday and when I get back I go away again for a couple of weeks doing research. I'll be writing, hopefully, on my travels, so I should update pretty quickly once I get back. **

**I want to say a massive thank-you to everyone who is supporting this story and especially to the guest reviewers whom I can't respond to personally. You guys really help me get through my long days on rotations. **

**A massive thank-you to my beta whodat2010. She does amazing work with my stuff. **

**See you all soon **

**LF91**

**x**


	5. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own, the Southern Vampire Mysteries belong to Charlaine Harris. **

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I choked back my tears and nodded. "Hi, Gran," I replied. Even with my reflexes, I didn't have chance to react before she was wrapping her arms around my shoulders, pulling me in for a massive hug. Her tiny frame held me close, so much strength in her arms. She didn't say anything, she just held me. My shock wore off and slowly, I wrapped my arms around her and laid my head on her shoulder. I closed my eyes as I felt my tears beginning to swell. I couldn't let them fall.

"Sookie, dear," Gran mumbled after a few minutes of simply hugging me. Her voice was choked with emotion. When she pulled back, I saw tears rolling down her cheeks. Yet there was a joyous grin on her beautiful face, making her eyes sparkle. She stepped back a few inches and I felt her eyes roaming over every inch of me, taking everything in. I fought the urge to delve into her mind to find out what she was thinking. I had no idea what she was going to say or do, it was strange for me to be in such a situation. However, I refused to do that to her. She cupped my jaw with her hands and smiled. Her expression was almost wondrous. "You're really here." She planted a kiss on my forehead.

It was difficult to breathe. I was choking on my own emotions and it felt like there was an impossibly large lump in my throat. I was overcome with the urge to just throw my arms around my Gran and just cry. Cry for everything that happened and changed, for everything that had been lost.

Gran finally let me go, although she moved away slowly. It was like she was afraid that if she turned away she thought I would disappear. I had made it this far, there was no way I was running again. I had learnt the hard way that running didn't solve any problems.

She stomped across the kitchen floor in her fuzzy slippers until she was standing next to Eric who was lounging in his chair. He appeared perfectly at home in the kitchen. I couldn't believe my eyes as Gran raised her hand and slapped Eric, hard around the back of his head.

"Why didn't you tell me, young man?" She asked, eyes fiercely blazing. She placed one hand on her hip and threatened to slap him again, this time his upper arm was in the firing range. "How long have you been keeping this a secret?" Her eyebrows rose while she waited for a response. I could barely suppress my giggle.

Eric looked truly baffled by the turn of events, even going as to far as to run a hand over the place when Gran had slapped him. His eyes darted between me and Gran. I shrugged. I had no idea how much she knew and how much I should tell her. Eric decided for me.

"She turned up at Fangtasia three nights ago." He started out. Gran's hand collided with his bicep. It couldn't have hurt.

"You mean you've had her all to yourself for three days and you didn't even think to call? I've been worried sick for years!" I had no idea what to do with myself. Should I sit down, but that would be making myself at home again. Did I jump to Eric's defence? That would mean explaining far too much of the situation. Gran deserved the truth, but she should be spared some of the horrendous details. I chose to stay where I was and watch the scene unfold, hoping that Gran wouldn't turn her anger around on me, even though I deserved it.

"It was not a conventional visit. We had some trouble." Eric started out and Gran seemed to visibly deflate.

"Oh." She straightened up and looked between us. "Well then, let's go and get comfortable." I had no idea how I was going to broach my biggest change to her. Just to look at me, like every other vampire, it wasn't obvious that I wasn't human as long as I didn't cry and my fangs stayed retracted.

"Okay," I responded. "I'm a little overwhelmed right now." I blurted. At least it was the truth. She nodded her head and then wandered through to the living room, grabbing my hand as she passed. I glanced behind me at Eric, needing my security net. He simply smiled.

We sat down on the sofas. Gran was, of course, beside me. She had my hand grasped between both of hers and pulled into her lap. She wasn't planning on letting me go anytime soon.

"I can't believe you came back," she told me again, resting her head on my shoulder. Her grey hair smelled of the green apple shampoo she always used. Thankfully, it seemed some things never changed.

"I always wanted to come back," I replied softly. "It just took me far too long. I'm here now?" I asked, hoping that it would be enough.

"I know." She squeezed my hand even tighter. "I am oh, so, grateful." Eric wandered into the room at that moment, a bottle of blood in his hand. He didn't have one for me. "Oh." Gran gasped. "I can't believe how neglectful I'm being. Sookie, would you like a drink?" My eyes widened in shock as I tried to think of a respectful way to turn down what she would offer that she would accept.

"Erm, I don't think I could keep anything down right now." I started, struggling to find words. "My stomach's all in a tizzy with coming home." She frowned at me.

"Are you sure? Eric keeps a nice little stock pile of blood here. I'm sure there'll be one you'd like." Shocked didn't even begin to feel what I felt. My eyes bugged out as it all sank home. She _knew_. How could she know? "Calm down, dear." She patted my arm and gave me the perfect soothing smile. "I'm not mad." Relief swept through me at those words. "Disappointed that you didn't tell me, but not mad."

"I didn't know how to tell you." I explained. I'd only been home for five minutes and it had been one of my biggest fears. Gran was surprising the hell out of me.

"I always told you that you could tell me _anything,_ Sookie. I meant those words. I still mean them." She paused for a moment, letting it all sink in. She squeezed my hands again. "No matter what, you will always be my granddaughter, and I will stand by you." She kissed my cheek. "Now," she sat up straighter and turned her head to face Eric who had taken a seat on the other sofa. "Was it you that did this?" Gran had known all about mine and Eric's issues with my humanity. She had also known perfectly well that I wanted to remain a human and how difficult of a decision that had been for me to make.

"No," Eric replied smoothly.

"Okay." Gran just accepted his statement. "What happened? The last I heard you were on some big mission for this, Sophie Girl." Thus started my highly edited account of everything for Gran.

It took nearly an hour to get everything out. By the end, both me and Gran were exhausted. I never took my bottle of blood, although she offered another couple of times. It felt too strange to be drinking blood in front of her, I just couldn't bring myself to do it, no matter how hungry I got.

"How's Jason?" I asked tentatively, steering away the conversation from me. It was the first chance I'd really got to bring up my brother. There were many questions that I needed to ask Eric, but I couldn't ask them in front of Gran.

"He's well," Gran replied slowly, choosing her next words carefully. "He's changed a lot. I don't think it's best for me to explain right now. It's his story to tell." I nodded, understanding. I couldn't expect to walk straight back into a family. "He's changed, Sookie. For the better. He has a family." She finished and gave me a bright smile. Before I could even ask her to elaborate, she jumped up from the sofa to grab a photo frame from beside the television.

"This is your niece, Annabella," she told me as she placed the wooden frame in my lap. The photo was of a beautiful baby, blissfully asleep. Long eyelashes rested against plump, rosy cheeks. She was breathtaking.

"I have a niece?" I asked, even though the evidence was right in front of me.

"Yes, she'll be five months old on Friday." I couldn't tear my eyes away from the photo. Jason was a father.

"Her mom?" I asked, wondering if would know who she was.

"A lovely girl from New Orleans originally. Again, that is Jason's story to tell. But, Layla knows everything about you. You should go see your brother." She glanced at the clock that was showing it was already past midnight. "Although probably another night, Annabella doesn't sleep so soundly." I smiled at that little piece of information. I had no idea she had even existed until a minute ago. There was so much I had missed.

"Is he mad?" I asked, knowing how much of a hot temper Jason could have.

"Yes and no. No matter how mad he is, he will be grateful to see you. He only wants you back safe and sound, really." I nodded. I couldn't expect everything to be plain sailing. I hugged the photo to my chest.

"I have a niece!"

"Yes, you do." It was then that Gran finally gave in to the yawns she'd been fighting. When I really took her in, I could see the tiredness setting in around her glossy eyes. "Sookie, I have to ask." I nodded my encouragement. "Are you staying?"

"Yes," I replied, easing her fears. "I'm finally home, I'm not going to go running off again." I reassured, pulling her in for another hug which she gladly accepted.

"Where are you staying? You said you had been back for three days, but you never said where you had been staying." We had managed to explain my delay in returning to see her as I had been duty bound to check in with the Queen. At least it was partly true.

"I stayed with Eric, in Monroe and New Orleans." It didn't escape my notice that she scowled again at Eric as I mentioned that I had been with him for several days. He simply refused to make eye contact. "I will be staying with Eric for a few more days." Okay, so we hadn't exactly discussed it, but it seemed fairly obvious that while I still had a psychotic vampire after me, I would be staying with Eric. "After that, I'm not sure." Up until this point, I hadn't considered anything above a couple of days in the future. It still seemed unlikely that everything would sort itself out enough for me to return to some semblance of normalcy.

"You will always be welcome here, Sookie." I smiled at her.

"Thanks, Gran." I purposefully didn't accept her offer, simply because I just didn't know what was going to happen.

"You will stay in touch." It was an order, more than a request. She hugged me tighter. She didn't want me to leave even though I hadn't actually said I was going anywhere yet.

"Of course I will. I'll steal Eric's phone so I can ring you." Eric rolled his eyes, but didn't particularly seem to mind. Gran actually giggled. "And I'll come out to see you again as soon as I can. I need to see Jason too. Are you going to tell him I'm back?"

"Of course I am! It will give him a chance to calm down as well before you see him. Call him soon, let him hear your voice. He wouldn't want to be left out." She yawned again.

"Okay, Gran. I promise I'll call him tomorrow evening and you as well. But I need to go back to Shreveport tonight." She clutched onto me tighter. "I'll see you soon." I hugged her tighter and then relaxed back, knowing that if I didn't make a move we would never get away before dawn. It was difficult, I wanted nothing more than to be mothered and for Gran to tell me that everything would be okay.

"Okay." Gran relented as she got to her feet. "I'm holding you to that." I grinned at her, and nodded enthusiastically. We slowly made our way to the front door, Eric trailing behind.

"There's still so much that we need to talk about, gossip about." I added, trying to keep it light. I had a feeling some tears were about to start flowing.

"Of course! There's so much that's happened. I can hardly wait for you to walk into Merlotte's again. I would love to see Maxine's face the first time she sees you!" There was undoubtedly a story there but it was for another time. I also didn't plan on going to Merlotte's any time soon.

"I love you, Gran." I told her as I wrapped my arms around her shoulders, going in for yet another hug.

"I love you, too. You have no idea how relieved and happy I am that you're home." I did have an idea. Even with my shields all firmly in place, the happiness was coming off of her in waves. It was like being struck every few seconds with a tidal wave of love.

"Adele, I will see you soon." Eric stepped up when I paused slightly too long. I was standing in the open doorway, unable to actually say goodnight. "How is the drive way doing?" My eyebrows rose in question.

"It's so much better than before, thank-you." I had an inkling that she was thanking him for more than just asking about it.

"Good. Until later." Eric flashed her a quick smile and then strode outside. A second later I heard the truck unlock.

"I have to go, Gran." As predicted my tears were welling up, and the lump in my throat that I had been fighting earlier was rearing its ugly head again. "Goodnight." I gave her one final hug.

"Goodnight, Sookie. Be safe." I turned away then and didn't look back until I was safely in the passenger seat, otherwise I'm not sure I would have left. Gran was standing on the porch, happy tears rolling unabashedly down her cheeks while she waved. I waved back. No matter what, Gran and this old farm house would always be home.

I was quiet as we drove out of Bon Temps and back toward the city. I was once again overwhelmed by everything and how lucky I was suddenly feeling. Gran had welcomed me back, literally with open arms. I'd never truly believed that she would hate me, but the fear was that I had caused too much hurt to ever be part of the family again. It seemed apparent that it had been a pointless worry where Gran was concerned. It appeared that Jason was another matter entirely. I had no idea what had happened in his life since I had been gone, but Gran's words had made it seem negative. I needed to call him and make amends, no matter how painful it was going to be. I needed my brother. I hoped my brother still wanted me. He had every right to be angry and upset, I just wanted him to be able to see past that, eventually.

I had a niece. A beautiful, baby niece. Her picture had warmed my heart as soon as I had seen it, she was absolutely adorable. Shamefully, in that moment I had also been ridiculously jealous of Jason. He had everything that I had wanted; a family of my own. It had been the main reason that I hadn't wanted to be a vampire. One day, I wanted children. Five years ago, that need had become too much and I had broken things off with Eric, knowing that it wasn't fair on either of us to keep going like we were. It didn't mean that I suddenly stopped loving him. My decision had come because I loved him so much.

"What's with you and Gran?" I asked, turning in my seat to face my vampire. I had so much to sort out in my mind about this beautiful man. The problem that had separated had been sorted for us, but did that mean we would work this time? If he wanted to, and if it was feasible? There were too many 'ifs' in my life. I was still lucky to actually be alive, and I should have been grateful for that. However, deep down, there was still bitterness lurking for everything that had been stolen from me.

"I was better with myself how long it would take you to ask," Eric laughed. "You lasted much longer than I thought you would. I had the Bon Temps border pegged." A quick glance outside, this time taking in my surroundings, told me we were already on the highway.

"Glad I could amuse you."

"You always do." He took my hand in his. "Let me guess, that you want the entire story. It would not suffice as to say that we are friends." I gave him my best, 'are you being ridiculous?' face. I needed the entire story. The situation was far too perplexing and my mind was trying to jump to too many conclusions. "About two weeks after you left, Adele called Fangtasia, wanting to know if you were okay as she had not heard from you." This was going to be more painful than I had thought it would be. "At that point, our blood connection was still strong. I knew that you were physically well." I shuddered at the memory of those first few weeks while we were still strongly connected. I had been able to feel too much of Eric, and he of me. I had tried desperately to sleep as much as possible while he was awake, it was just easier that way. "It reassured her for awhile. After a few weeks she was calling nightly. Finally, I visited her. I explained as much as I could to her."

"So that's how she filled in some of the story herself?"

"Yes. I told her that first night that you were deep under cover for the vampire Queen, and that it would be dangerous for you to contact home. She believed me. She knew you had Bill with you, and she trusted that he would keep you safe." His words were dripping with anger again. I squeezed his hand, hoping that he would calm down. There was no way to change the past. If there was, I would have figured it out a long time ago. "We became friends." I bit my lip unintentionally at the words. Eric had few friends. He knew what seemed to be everybody, had many acquaintances and business partners, but very few friends. Especially human friends. "I took to visiting her every couple of weeks. We talk about history, you, politics. Everything. She reminds me of you and I was another connection to you for her."

"You could have just blown her off." I started, my mind reeling so much from his revealing words that it was difficult to form sentences. "When she called, you could have done nothing."

"You would have wanted me to ease her distress." He shrugged, trying to play it off like no big deal.

"Yes. Thank- you." I would never be able to express how very grateful I was to him for everything he had done for me. It was beyond words. "You concocted a story to spare her."

"Yes. As more time passed, my story became less believable but she clung to it, needing the half truth for comfort." The tears that had been threatening to spill all night finally ran free.

"You did that for five years?" I wiped away the redness as best I could. My voice was getting thick with emotion.

"Yes." Eric kept his eyes forward on the road.

"The driveway?" I had my strong suspicions but I needed confirmation.

"Yes." I bit down on my bottom lip, not wanting my tears to turn to sobs. I had put Gran through so much, it was a great relief to know that she had had someone there for her. "I had the house painted. Just like you, she finds it difficult to accept gifts. It is better if she just does not have a say in the matter." We both laughed at that. Gran was notoriously difficult to shop for, claiming that she didn't need anything except friends and family. Eric started speaking, becoming oddly forthcoming. "I made her a promise on my first visit, that if you ever came back to me, I would bring you home."

"You finally fulfilled it." There was no saving the red ruin that my face must be by now. I gave up trying to wipe my tears away and let them fall.

"Yes, although apparently not soon enough." He rubbed the bank of his head gently, even though it wasn't possible for it to still hurt. I giggled, I just couldn't help myself.

We were back in the city, although I wasn't entirely sure where we were heading. I had assumed back to Fangtasia. "I feel a bit like a stuck record recently, but I just can't believe everything that's happened. I can't believe the welcome I got at home." I shook my head gently.

"She is you Gran and she loves you. There was no other way that could have gone."

"Jason is my brother and I doubt I will get that reception with him." Worry began to bubble already at the thought of having to call him tomorrow evening.

"Being a brother is a very different thing. However, is still family and loves you." It almost felt like Eric was talking from personal experience. Since I didn't believe him to have any vampire siblings, it must have been a throwback to his human years.

"Have you seen Jason?" I honestly wasn't fishing for his story, I just wanted to know, from someone else that he was okay now.

"I have had very little to do with your brother. For a long time he blamed me for a lot of things. Currently, we are being civil but avoiding one another. I have not seen him in close to a year." It was yet more information for me to consider. Did Jason blame Eric for me running away? Would his opinion change once he found out the truth? There were too many questions in my head and not enough answers.

"Where are we?" I asked, when I realised we were in a part of the city that I didn't recognise.

"We are about to pull into my place."

"Is it safe?" Last night he had said that we should stay at the hotel for safety. Had so much changed in twenty four hours? We hadn't been in touch with anyone to find out.

"As safe as it can be." We turned off the road and into a parking garage with an apartment block stretching above. It was only about five storeys tall. "We are only a few hours from dawn. No one would attack now, even if they were wanting to. We cannot stay at hotels forever." Eric pulled into a designated parking space, next to what I assumed was one of his cars. It was a gorgeous deep blue sports thing with a soft top.

"Okay then, I trust you." We both got out of the car and Eric retrieved the bags.

"Plus, I didn't want to have to drive that thing anymore." He shuddered as he mentioned the truck.

"That truck did me well. Thank every single other American who bought one and helped me blend in." He laughed at that.

"It still does not mean that it was a pleasure to drive, especially in comparison to mine." I just rolled my eyes as I followed him to the elevator. He plugged in the code and we went straight up to his apartment, which was of course, the penthouse suite.

The elevator opened up in a little lobby that gave nothing away about the occupant of the floor. The only thing you would get was that he was a little safety conscious. There was another, heavily locked, door that lead through to his actual apartment.

"When did you move here?" I asked. Eric moved quite a lot, finding it safer to change locations. During our relationship, we had picked out two apartments together. It had been one of the most fun and most stressful of our experiences together.

"Only a few weeks ago." That little piece of information was nice to hear. It meant that it was highly unlikely that any other women, apart from maybe Pam, had ever been here. Eric led us through the door and into his apartment. "There is a guest bathroom that you can use. Pam has it stocked so there should be everything you need." Eric wandered off through the expansive apartment, leaving me to find the guest rooms myself. It didn't take much doing. With my new sense of smell, I could easily pick up the rooms that he didn't frequent.

The guest room was just as nice as the rest of the apartment although decorated in soft pastels that was very Pam. There were even a few trinkets decorating the tops of the furniture. Just as Eric had indicated there was everything I would need to freshen up. It wasn't long before I was stepping underneath the scalding spray of the shower.

Although I no longer got tired in the same sense as humans, I was exhausted emotionally after tonight. Gran was safe and well, at least in part thanks to Eric. It was a situation that I could never have even dreamed of occurring. He had taken care of my Gran even after I had left him so cruelly. I was luckier than I could ever imagine.

In the past five years I hadn't moved on and I was just beginning to understand the true depths of my reasons. Sure, I hadn't really had an opportunity to move on and meet someone new. However, the bigger part was that I simply didn't want to move on. I still loved, Eric. It seemed he wasn't just the love of my life. He was the love of my afterlife too.

If tonight had proven anything to me, it was that he still cared deeply for me as well. He had said nearly as much when I had asked for his reasoning. He always played his emotions close, not giving too much away, but his actions were speaking louder than his words. He had been there for me without me even knowing it, looking after the other most important person in my life. He was still there for me, guiding me and caring for me, asking for little in return.

By the time I stepped out of the shower, I had made up my mind. I had to stop being scared and take back what I wanted. I wanted Eric, in every possible sense of the phrase. The biggest reason that we had separated was now a moot point. Although, that wouldn't necessarily mean that it would be all plain sailing, far from it, we still had many issues. I had to try. I had to see if he was willing to try. The fact that he was still here and helping me spoke volumes about his ideas on that topic.

I dressed quickly in the pyjamas I had worn last night. Another plus about being a vampire, we don't sweat. I paused by the kitchen to grab a bottle of blood. After not eating all night at Gran's, I was desperately hungry. Eric had already thought about me though, and had left a pre-warmed bottle in the microwave for me. I quickly downed it and then brushed my teeth. I could still hear the shower running in his room. I wasn't going to back down.

I walked straight into his room and sat on the bed to wait. I had barely sat down when the shower stopped. If my heart had been beating, it would have started a staccato rhythm of nerves. I had a good idea that he was going to react favourably, however, that didn't mean that I wasn't without nerves. I was going to show him how I felt, even if I couldn't tell him quite yet. The time between when the water stopped running and the bathroom door opened was tortuous.

There was a towel slung low on his hips. His long hair, although still soaking wet had been combed and he was brushing it back from his face. It was only due to my vampire eyes that I could see the tiny beads of water still clinging to his chest. Eric didn't say anything as I stood and walked over to him. He simply remained in the doorway and watched me. His gorgeous eyes were currently sparkling with intensity. I loved him. He loved me. Even though we had spent five years apart, we still loved each other. Our love had undoubtedly changed, I just wasn't how it had changed. Mind you, was it really surprising? Five years isn't really that long for a vampire, not when we can truly live for an eternity.

He eyed me with more caution as I approached. I knew what I wanted, needed to do. As I finally reached him I laid my hands on his shoulder and leant into his strong body. He smelled divine and I couldn't help but sigh. With more confidence than I thought myself capable, I stood on my tip toes and kissed him.

His hands immediately stopped running through his wet hair to rest gently on my waist. His lips were perfect beneath mine. It was a beautiful kiss. I pulled back slowly, only a few inches. I remained on my toes so that I could just be that little bit closer to him. We smiled at each other softly, and I knew that he wasn't expecting anything from me. I brushed his long hair back and gave him one more quick peck. Then, I grabbed one of his hands and lead him over to the bed.

_"Hey Pam," I greeted my best friend as I walked past the long line of people by the front door of Fangtasia. "How are you doing?" I was ignoring everyone behind me as best I could. Usually I would just use the staff entrance, but tonight I wanted a drink before I retired back into the offices. Plus, I didn't want to ignore my friend. Pam waved a couple of barely legal girls through the door before greeting me. _

_"Sookie, how nice to see you." Anyone would have thought she was being sarcastic, I knew she was just bored with door duty. "Everything is good. Eric's in the back until later. I wasn't expecting you this evening." She grabbed the driver's licence off the next person in line and inspected it closely before sending them inside. _

_"I wasn't planning on coming over. I just needed some _peace_." I had intended on spending my evening holed up in Eric's home office, working on my writing, but the people in the apartment below were actually in for once. Even more annoyingly, they were also projectors. That was my term for people who essentially screamed the contents of their brain for me to hear. "I'm going to grab a drink. You should pop through to the office on your break. We need a catch up." We made quick plans to meet up later in the week on her night off before I went inside. Several people in the line actually huffed their annoyance. I rolled my eyes but otherwise ignored them. _

_Longshadow actually had my gin and tonic waiting for me on the bar by the time I had made it across the already busy club. Apparently he had seen me come in. I smiled my thanks at him as he began serving someone else. I took a sip. _Perfect_. I took my time working my way across to the door that lead to the staff only area. Even with so many people around it was easy to block them out. There were so many vampire minds for me focus on that my shields came easily. Nobody took any notice of me. In the clubber's eyes I was a no one. I wasn't dressed to go out and I was carrying a massive tote bag which contained my laptop and notes. I was no threat to any of their plans and so they didn't really notice me. _

_To say the club had only been open for an hour it was already heaving. People already tipsy were filling up the dance floor and there was already a growing crowd around the bar. I recognised a few familiar faces of local vampires as they did their rounds at the tables, chatting up the clientele. Fangtasia was doing well. If this was what it was like on a Sunday night, it was going to be a sell out night next Friday for the Halloween party. _

_I finally made my way to the staff door which was opened just as I reached up to start punching in the code to gain entry. I grinned before I even saw the vampire standing in the doorway. Even though vampire minds are complete voids to me, there is just something about the shape and the feel of the mind that allows me to recognise the vampires I knew. _

_"Good evening, Lover." Eric greeted me as he pulled me carefully into his arms. He stooped his tall frame to plant a delicious kiss on my lips. "Delectable." He grabbed my heavy bag from my shoulder and shut the door behind us. "This is an enjoyable surprise." I had spent the day over in Bon Temps with my Gran so hadn't been around when he had woken up this evening. _

_"Glad you think so. I've come to crash your office." I explained my predicament as we walked down the short corridor to his office. He didn't even flinch. I knew he wouldn't care. _

_"I am due out in the club for most of the night," he actually sounded slightly disappointed. He held the door open for me, being a true gentleman. My bag was placed carefully on the sofa for me. "You can have the place to yourself for most of the night." _

_"Thanks. I missed you last night." I placed my drink on the desk and then walked into his arms for a long hug. He had been busy with the club until almost dawn. I had seen him for only a few minutes as he had crawled into bed beside me. _

_"I will make it up to you tomorrow night." He kissed me again, slow and sweet, teasing. Tomorrow was the night that Fangtasia was shut, so we could have the entire night to ourselves. _

_"I'll hold you to that." I let him go, knowing that he couldn't stay in here with me all night. _

_"Trust me, Lover. That is a promise I have no problem keeping." He flashed me a cheeky grin. I couldn't help but swat his chest. His rather bare chest. He was definitely playing up for the crowds tonight. _

_"What are you wearing?" I had never seen this ensemble before and I had spent a lot of time with Eric while he was dressed for the club. I had been visiting the club as a guest since I turned twenty one, I had started dating Eric at twenty two and I had been helping to fill in waitressing since almost then too. Usually he simply wore black, in a bit of a motorbike riding style. Tonight, was a little different. _

_"Pam bought some new outfits for us to wear." He sounded vaguely annoyed. _

_"Well, it's nice." I complemented, struggling to find the words. Nice probably wasn't right, at all. He looked hot, dream worthy even, but not really nice. His leather pants were so tight they appeared like they had been painted on. They showed off his ass to perfection. It was the shirt that had caught my eye. It was completely see through, just a thin mesh of black material. Yet it still had a large collar, long sleeves complete with cuffs and a plunging buttoned neckline. You could see nearly all the definition of his delicious chest and abs. There would be a lot of ogling and attempted gropes tonight. It was probably a good thing I was staying in the office or I would be getting very, very jealous. "Although, you might want to lose the flip flops." I managed to suppress my giggle. _

_"I was getting changed to go out front when I realised you were here." He waved his hand in the direction of the boots that were sitting beside his desk. _

_I started pulling my things out of my bag and preparing for a night of writing. I was getting to the pivotal point in my most recent novel and wanted to blast through the next chapter before the night ended. I wasn't exactly a successful author, even though I was published, but I earned enough to support me most of the time. Eric changed his foot wear. _

_"Oh, Eric." He turned back to face me. He had just been about to walk out of his office. He raised an eyebrow in question. I closed the distance between us and stood on my tip toes to kiss him. My fingers wound through his hair and my chest was pressed up tightly against his. "Remember one thing." I kissed him again, this time teasing his lips with my nibbling. _

_"Hmm." He moaned softly. "What is that?" His arms were wound around my waist, his hands on my ass, holding me to him. _

_"You are mine," I growled out. So perhaps I didn't need to be going out in the club with him to get jealous. His moan this time had a more animalistic edge. _

_"Always, and you are mine." He squeezed me a little closer, letting me feel exactly what I had done to his body. I honestly did trust him. It was the drunken floozies that I didn't trust. _

_"Also, do me a favour. Save the outfit for tonight." I flashed him a wicked grin. With more lingering kiss, he let me go and went out to face the club. _

_I straightened my clothes, took a calming swig of my drink and sat down to work. I didn't bother checking in with Eric, or rather honing in to a brain that was near him. I really did trust him. Sometimes I just liked to assert my dominance. I managed to get all of my work done. Eric popped back a couple of times, checking in on me and to take a break from the crowd. It was an odd, yet pleasant scene when we were both in the office. I working on the sofa, my legs curled up beneath me as I typed away. Eric sat at his desk, tapping away at his computer. _

_"Lover," Eric's deep voice whispered in my ear. I opened my sleepy eyes to find myself being cradled in his arms. All of my things had been packed up and there was a blanket draped around me. I had no idea how long I had been asleep but there were no other brains in the vicinity so it must have been late. "It is time to go home." I still smiled every time I thought of our apartment as home. I pushed his long hair back from his face and then snuggled down into his chest. My face didn't meet the soft cotton of his t-shirt. I opened my eyes again to see that he was still wearing the shirt from earlier. A quick glance down told me that he was still wearing the leather pants as well. I suddenly didn't feel so tired. _

When I awoke the next evening, I was surprised and delighted to find Eric still wrapped around me. He must have been awake, which meant he had chosen to stay with me. The thought made me smile. I was curled up on my side, with Eric's long body wrapped around me. I was even using one of his arms as a pillow. With his chest pressed against my back and his strong arms around me, I felt wonderfully safe. Last night had been beyond words and I was without doubt that I loved him, more than ever. Although we hadn't exchanged words of the sentiment, I remained confident that he felt similarly.

Eric was perfectly still behind me and I assumed he had gone into downtime, escaping into his thoughts. I had to grin again. I was still blissfully unaware of his thoughts. Just as he had predicted, it seemed he was far too powerful, and perhaps too stubborn, to allow me into his mind.

I moved slightly, wanting to see his handsome face. "Just where do you think you are going?" He asked suddenly. His arms tightened their grip on me. I didn't bother to hide my grin.

"Nowhere, I was trying to rollover." His arms instantly relaxed and I took the opportunity to roll over. I wrapped an arm around his waist, my hand resting on the small of my back. "Hmm," I sighed contentedly. "Hi."

"Good evening, Sookie." He kissed my forehead. Pressed this close I could easily smell our scents mixed together on his skin. I must have smelled the exact same. I have to say, I quite liked it.

"Why are you grinning?" He asked. I glanced up to see a bemused expression on his face.

"Can't I be happy?" I realised then that for the first time in ages I really was happy. I couldn't repress my giggle.

"Of course. It is just that maniacal grinning and giggling is not the usual response I get when we are in bed together." I rolled me eyes at him but still didn't stop smiling softly.

"Just let me be, I haven't felt like this in so long it actually feels new." I snuggled down further and kissed his chest. After only thirty seconds the annoying ringing of a phone disturbed our little bubble. The real world was calling us back.

Eric rolled away long enough to grab his phone from the bedside table and hit end without checking caller ID. The movement had pushed the sheets further down. I no longer needed the sheets for warmth so they had been more of an afterthought. As he stretched I was awarded a delicious view of his statuesque body. However, it seemed I wasn't quite quick enough to hide my ogling.

"Lover, if you do not stop looking at me like that, we will not be leaving this bed tonight." I had caught him calling me my favourite pet name of 'lover' before last night but it still made me happy to hear it. I had to wonder if not leaving the bed would be such a bad idea. One night of selfishness was allowed, right?

"What if I'm not adverse to that idea?" His eyes darkened slightly at the prospect of my words.

"You should not tease," he admonished softly, a grin flickered across his lips. I ran my hand down his body, not stopping until I reached his hip and pulled him to face me. My new strength definitely had its advantages.

"I'm not teasing." I replied. I wasn't sure where this evening's confidence was coming from but I wasn't about to let it go. I didn't get a chance to lean in for a kiss before his lips were on mine. His fangs were down, as were mine. The sharp points of his teeth teased my skin as he pulled carefully on my bottom lip.

I rolled onto my back, pulling him with me. Our lips never parted. An intensity welled up inside of me, the likes of which I had never really felt before. It was a new side of my vampirism that I had never explored before. The lusts were welling up inside of me, demanding to be sated. I needed this man. I needed my man. My legs wrapped around his hips, pulling him even closer. A growl rumbled from his chest and I knew that he was feeling what I was.

His phone started ringing again.

"Ignore it," he whispered, as he began to trail kisses down my neck. As his lips found me scar, his hands grabbed my wrists, stopping my groping. He pinned my wrists to the mattress an instant before he sucked a mound of my scar into his mouth. Intense is the only way I could describe the sensation. My damaged nerves perceived it as a wondrous mix of sensations; soft and hard, wet and dry. Above all, pleasurable. My back arched and a moan escaped my mouth.

His phone rang again. It was my turn to growl.

"Make them go away," I requested, the annoyance at the disruption clear in my voice. If I had been thinking straight I would have just asked him to switch the damn thing off. Eric gave me one more kiss, a promise for more, before he pulled away enough to grab his phone again. With my hands now free, I danced my fingertips down the intricate play of muscles over his ribs while he stretched.

"What?" He snarled into the phone. The gasp I heard on the other end was enough to instantly douse my internal fire. It seemed to have the same effect on Eric.

"Eric Northman!" My Gran scolded. I could hear her clearly. I let my legs fall from around his waist and my vampire rolled away to sit on the edge of the bed. "Is that anyway to answer your phone? I thought you had better manners than that."

I could barely believe Eric's next words. "My apologies, Adele. I was, ah, busy." _Busy getting reaquainted with your Granddaughter._ My dirty mind filled in.

"Thank-you but that is still no excuse. I was beginning to get worried. You always answer. I've tried called twice with no response. Is Sookie okay?" Eric glanced over at me.

"She is fine, Adele. Safe and sound."

"Good." I could clearly hear the relief in her voice. "I thought I had better call and check, as I had expected her to call before now." Guilt swept over me. I had been fulfilling selfish desires while my Gran worried about me.

"She has only just awoken for the evening. She does not yet rise as early as me." I would have to discuss things with Eric. Bill had been a pathetic excuse for a sire. I had learnt more from Eric about vampires while I had been human than from Bill. A little more guidance and understanding would be welcome. "I will put her on the phone." I quickly grabbed the phone as he held it out.

"Hey, Gran. Sorry I worried you, again." I was still feeling guilty. It didn't help when Eric stood up and padded slowly to the bathroom. I had to force myself to look away from his ass.

"It's fine, hunny. I just didn't realise you wouldn't be awake early. Now that I know you're safe, I'm fine. I spoke to your brother today." _Shit. _I didn't like the sound of where this was going.

"How did that go?" I asked cautiously. Eric chose that moment to wander back into the bedroom, still completely naked, with two bottles of blood in his hands. I hardly paid him any notice.

"Well, about as I expected. He knows you're going to call him, but I didn't tell him much more than I had to. That wasn't my place, it's your story to tell. He wants answers." I was thankful that Gran had spoken to him, and so to speak tested the waters. It was nice to have a heads up, more than her initial warning. However, I couldn't help but wish Gran would smooth everything over between me and my brother. Much like she used to when we were children. But, we weren't children anymore.

"I'm going to call him this evening." Now that I'd told Gran, I had no choice but to call him. I needed to speak to my brother, I just wasn't looking forward to the argument that would surely ensue.

"Good. You should know, despite what he might say in the heat of the moment, he is glad you're home safe." I smiled weakly. "You should probably call him soon, or Annabella will be asleep. You don't want to risk waking her."

"Thanks for the heads up Gran. And thanks for checking up on me. I love you, Gran." I meant the words more than she could comprehend.

"I love you, too. You have a nice night, now." We hung up. Eric handed me my bottle of blood but otherwise continued to lounge on the bed, waiting for me to speak.

"I don't know how I'm going to make my next call," I whispered as I hunkered down, pulling the covers snugly around me. Eric wound his arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his chest. We seemed to be falling far too easily back into our old ways.

"You will make it because you are one of the strongest people I have ever known." That actually meant a lot.

Despite trying to get myself to make the call there and then, I just couldn't bring myself to actually dial the numbers that I had memorised. Even Eric's encouraging words couldn't make me do it. I suddenly found a great need to shower again and get dressed before I could face my brother.

It's true about vampires loving to be clean. I personally think it's to do with our heightened senses, we can simply smell dirt and chemicals on our skin. It's not pleasant. We also don't get morning breath, since we don't breathe while we sleep, although we can get blood breath. It is infinitesimally worse. It happens when tiny remnants of blood begin to go stale, and worse, in your mouth. Always brush your teeth before bed, no matter what species you are.

I was pacing in Eric's office, having run out of other things to do, when I actually hit send and dialled my brother's number.

"What do you want?" Jason snarled as he picked up the phone. I gasped, shocked that he wouldn't even dignify me with a greeting.

"Erm, I just wanted to say hello," I replied pathetically. My fangs ran down from the stress.

"Sookie?" Jason queried. "I didn't realise it was you. I should have known better." It clicked into place for me then. I was using Eric's phone, so Jason must have assumed that I was him. Jason's tone was still harsh, after he had realised his mistake, but above everything, he sounded tired.

"Yeah, it's me." I was deliberately choosing to ignore his latter statements. I knew things were rocky between the two men, but I hadn't realised thing were quite so hostile. "I'm back." I had no idea how to go about explaining everything, especially over the phone. Jason deserved more than that.

"Well, it's about fucking time, Sook. Gran told me about last night, but I couldn't quite believe her until I heard from you myself." There was something in my brother's voice that I hadn't been expecting; relief.

"I know it's not enough, but I'm sorry." I was so sorry, for so much that had happened. Even for the things that weren't my fault.

"You're right, it's not enough, Sis." My heart started thundering in my chest. "You were gone for five goddamn years. You couldn't even pick up a phone to let us know you were alive?" I squirmed at the term. I wasn't entirely sure how much Gran had explained.

"You have no idea how much I wanted to call." I was going with what I could readily explain. "I wanted to hear your voice so badly. I missed you. But I wasn't allowed, or able to call. I just can't tell that story over the phone." Anger was beginning to build in me simply at the memory of what Bill had forced me through.

"I had a feeling Gran didn't know the full story. I want to know everything, Sookie. No protecting me from it anymore. I need to know a couple of things now."

"Go ahead." I would do anything for him and if answering a couple of questions helped him process, I could do that.

"Did you want it? Did you want to be a vamper? Because the last time I knew, you'd run away to stay human." Well, he knew that I had been turned at least. It was definitely condensing the story down but it wasn't too far from the truth. His words were like a punch to the gut.

"No." Again, if I could bring myself to tell him the full story, like he deserved and wanted, I couldn't bring myself to do it like this.

"Who was it?" I could hear his anger building until he was seething. Somewhere in all those emotions there was still a guy looking out for his little sister. "If it was that bastard and he's been lying to Gran's face all this time, I'll kill him!"

I quickly cut him off from going any further. "No, it wasn't Eric. He had nothing to do with it. He didn't even know until I got back." My experience of being turned would have been the exact opposite if Eric had been my Maker. "It was Bill." If there was one vampire that Jason had always despised more than Eric, it was Bill. A long stream of heartfelt expletives met my ears.

"Jason Stackhouse! Wash your mouth out with soap!" I heard a feminine voice softly scalding him in the background. It must have been his wife. Layla. I had a sister-in-law that I had never met. "You should be ashamed of yourself. In front of your daughter too!" My heart wrenched at the thought of my beautiful niece. I was hooked and I'd only seen a photograph.

"Sorry," Jason replied to the woman, covering the mouth piece of the phone even though it didn't make any difference to me.

"Just don't let it happen again." I heard her voice getting more distant as she walked away.

"Gran said you had a family."

"Yeah," I could hear the smile in his voice. "Annabella. She's so beautiful and she already has me wrapped around her little finger. She looks a lot like what you did at that age." I was truly surprised that Jason could remember me being that young, there were only a couple of years between us. "Do you know what my earliest memory is?" He didn't bother waiting for my reply. "It's the night that Mom went into labour with you. I didn't really understand what was happening, all I knew was that I was _finally _going to get my sister. I stayed with Gran and we eventually got the call that you were here. We couldn't get to the hospital fast enough for my liking. When I met you, I was on Dad's lap and we held you together. I remember thinking how strange looking you were, with your tiny scrunched up face. But you were beautiful even then and you were _my_ sister." I was stupefied.

"I'm still your sister."

"Yeah," he replied vaguely. "Everything just seems so different now. I don't know who you are and you don't know me. I'm so much more than I used to be, you'd be proud." He wasn't bragging. "I'm a husband and a father."

"I know, I've missed so much. I don't want to miss any more." It was the truth. I couldn't explain how desperately I wanted to see him and meet my new family. I wanted to be part of my family again.

"It's not just that. Do you have any idea what you've put us through? Gran especially. She was heartbroken. She's already had to bury two children, we thought she would be adding a granddaughter to that list." A lump was forming in my throat.

"I know, and I'm sorry for that." I would never be able to express how truly sorry I was.

"It's not enough, Sook. You can't make all this blow over with a simply apology. There's too much damage." Finality was beginning to seep into his words. I wasn't going to just let him walk away.

"Please, Jason, give me a chance. A chance to explain and to start making it up." I waited, bting my bottom lip, the pain helped to keep me grounded.

"Okay." It had only been a second or two but it had felt like an eternity. I released my bloodied lip. "Come around here on Wednesday evening. One more think, Sis."

"Yeah?" I asked, stealing myself for more of his honest words.

"It's good to finally hear your voice." With that he hung up, not bothering to say goodbye.

I sank down into the desk chair, my head falling forward into my hands. The conversation had gone a hell of a lot better that I had anticipated. Jason hadn't been raging as expected. Everything he had said had been fair and honest. He hadn't exactly welcomed me back with open arms like Gran had done, but he hadn't shut me out completely.

"How long have you been standing there?" I asked without looking up. Eric was lounging against the door frame.

"Not long," he replied as he walked into the room. I finally glanced up. Going on his casual attire, I had reason to hope that we wouldn't be leaving the apartment. "It seems you have plans for Wednesday."

"Yeah, I have a lot I need to get done before then too." I let the frantic thoughts of my head take over. Now that things were finally seeming to settle down a little, I had practical things I needed to take care of. Eric perched, gracefully, on the edge of his desk, his long legs stretched out in front of him. "I need fresh clothes, I'm fed up of having to launder these every couple of days and I want them to fit properly too!" I was still content to borrow Eric's clothes to sleep in. "I need to find somewhere to live, and a job." My eyes widened at the prospect that I had no idea whether I could even stay around here. "I don't know what any of the policies are!" I probably sounded like a rambling fool. "Am I able to stay in an Area of my choosing?" I stopped speaking only to worry at my bottom lip.

"Sookie," Eric started. He knelt down in front of me, making me look into his eyes with his hand under my chin. "Clothes are easily sorted. Fangtasia is located next to a mall. Somewhere else to live is not necessary and you do not require a job." Apparently he was still good at reading me because he quickly amended. "At least not yet." The panic that had been rising began to quieten once more.

"I have some money," I started out but he quickly shushed me.

"You are staying here, under my protection." His tone implied that there would be no arguing with him.

"Until after all this has been sorted?" I had been living on someone else's terms for so long that I desperately wanted my independence back. However, I wasn't stupid enough to want to risk my life for it, not when Eric was so nicely offering. He only nodded his consent. It would have to do for now.

"At some point we shall have to discuss these policies of which you speak." Bill had never bothered teaching me anything as we didn't abide by any rules. We didn't check in anywhere and we didn't answer to anyone but Sophie-Anne. "Bill was a pathetic excuse for a vampire. He should never have been a Maker. Especially yours." I thought of Eric and Pam's relationship and how much they clearly adored each other. "Well, I happen to know the Sherriff of this Area, and he is happy for you to stay." He grinned at me, distilling some of the tension that had been building with his small joke. I smiled back.

He gently moved his hand from under my chin so he could pull my bottom lip from between my teeth. We gazed at each other for a moment and then he was kissing me. His hands went into my hair, pulling me close. I didn't realise it but I got down onto the floor next to him, so that our bodies were closer. My own hands went to his chest. I didn't care about anything else in that moment except my vampire. I didn't even care about the blood. Those questions could wait.

A rumbling moan emanated from my chest as one of his hands was suddenly on my lower back, pushing me more snugly into his torso. I could never get enough of him. My tongue worked around the sharp points of his fangs, teasing us both. It was his turn to moan. As my hands began to roam down his sides, making their way to his ass, he tensed.

Suddenly, he wasn't responding to me. His body had stiffened in a completely different way. Something was wrong. I pulled back enough to see his face. His eyes were still lightly shut but his expression was off. His gorgeous face was perfectly emotionless until a flicker of a frown danced across for a second.

"Something is wrong." He whispered and I got the feeling he was more thinking aloud than letting me know. The panic that had been shot down before was brimming to the surface again.

"Eric, what is it? What's wrong?" I asked, my hands were back on his shoulders. I was pleading with him to explain. His eyes snapped open, worry now etched on his features.

"Pam."

**This one is going to be a long one. If you didn't read it at the top, the TB/SVM fanfic awards are open for nominations so pop across to youwantbloodawards...wordpress...com (remove the dots to one) and nominate your favourite stories! **

**I'm back from India! It was a fantastic adventure and I learned so much. I feel like I've really progressed thanks to the experience. However, I'm now spending my weeks in a hotel, that doesn't have wifi! So this piece isn't beta'd yet. I wanted to get the chapter out to you guys since you'd already been waiting so long. But I still want to give a massive shout out to my amazing beta whodat2010. **

**Thanks to everyone who has favourited, followed and reviewed this story. I've had a brilliant response and I read everything while I was away. It really helped to keep me going on the tough days. Thanks especially to the guest reviewers who I can't respond to personally, your words are still so very much appreciated. Also, a special shout out to gyllene who has been spreading the word about this story. Thanks! **

**I think that covers everything. I'm sure there's something I've forgotten. It'll be another couple of weeks before I next update, thanks to the wifi and work situation. I hope you all had a great Easter and enjoy the next couple of weeks!**

**LF91**

**x**


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